“And I would be surprised if you handled it well. How could you accept some woman calling you Master after what you went through?”
It was a reasonable question, though he winced a little at her tone. Patience. He hadn’t understood at first either. “It’s just a word, Phoebe. It has the power we give it. That’s what I learned from here. I learned that whatever happens between two consenting adults isn’t wrong. I still won’t do any blood play or knife play. That bothers me, but that’s okay, too. Sanctum is a place where I can just be me and no one judges me. They accept me. Big Tag brings us all here because this place, this life, binds us together. It makes us a family.”
He could have sworn he saw a sheen of tears in her eyes before she covered them with a shake of her head and a bright smile. “Okay. I can understand the beauty of that. So what do we do, Sir?”
That got his motor running triple time. “Phoebe, you understand there doesn’t have to be anything sexual about play, right?”
“I understand the theory behind it. It can be about exploration and relaxation. Most club encounters don’t end in sexual intercourse. Although Simon tried to make me think yours do.”
“I have never had sex with a submissive at this club.”
“Why?”
“Because they weren’t mine. Because my heart was engaged somewhere else.”
Her eyes closed briefly as if she was in pain. When she opened them again, she put a hand over his. “Jesse, I don’t know what I can offer you. I know I would like to try this thing with you. I know I enjoyed that moment in your office before you were a complete douchebag and ruined everything.”
Well, at least she called it like she saw it. “I’ll try not to be a douchebag again.”
“I’m still leaving at the end of this assignment. I have to get back to my real life.”
He wasn’t sure why her real life had to be thousands of miles away from him, but he didn’t want to argue with her tonight. She was here. She was bending. He wasn’t going to make her break. “Then we should set the parameters. You’ve given me yours; I’ll give you mine. Just for the night. Anything else, we discuss as it comes up, but you have to talk to me, Phoebe. This doesn’t work in any way if you think I can read your mind.”
“It’s hard to talk about,” she admitted. “My husband and I were very young. We just kind of went with the flow, if you know what I mean.”
“I take this seriously. I take you seriously, and that means I can’t go with the flow. The flow often leads to misunderstandings, and I don’t want that. Tonight, I’m in charge. You’re going to obey me or we go upstairs and we play games for the rest of the night. I’m willing to be patient with you.”
“I don’t know that we have time for patience.” She shook her head. “I’ve thought about this for days. I want to explore this with you. I read the contract. I’m actually quite good at following orders. I also understand that I should have a safe word.”
He could make that easy on her. “Tonight your safe word is no. You tell me to stop and I do. You see something that flips a trigger and we sit down and talk about it. I’m in charge, but my main goal is to see that you’re safe and happy. That’s all I want for you. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”
Her hand found his again. It seemed easier for her every time she took it. “You’re a good man, Jesse Murdoch.”
“I’m glad you think so. I know I’m not as strong as the other guys.”
“What? That’s ridiculous. You are the strongest man I’ve met and I won’t hear anything else. And that’s a…what do you call it…a hard limit for me. I think you’re wonderful and I won’t hear you say anything differently.” She bit her bottom lip and her eyes narrowed. “Hey, do I get to spank you when you talk bad about yourself?”
“I am a really good man. Strong. I’m so strong.” A light happiness filled him. Doms could learn things, too.
She finished her drink and slid off the barstool, holding out her hand. “Show me around?”
He pushed his glass away and entangled his hand in hers. “Sure.”
He wanted to show her everything. If they had so little time, he was going to make the most of it.
The only time her hands stopped shaking were when they were in Jesse’s. Phoebe stood close to him and watched as Jacob Dean used a paddle on his wife’s backside. She gasped with every smack, but there was no way to miss how Serena’s skin flushed and her eyes dilated in what looked like pure pleasure.
Adam Miles stood to the side, watching indulgently. There was a plush robe in his hands, ready for Serena when she was through with her scene.
Jesse stepped aside, allowing a woman to move through the crowd. It put him behind her. She couldn’t see him. Just as she was about to turn and move to be close to him again, his arm wrapped around her from behind, pulling her against his body.