She had a choice and she chose to lay her head back down, to trust Jesse and the very man who should hate her. She had to trust Taggart or go back to her room and cling to her side of the bed because she was too guilty and afraid to lie in Jesse’s arms.
The first thud hit her shoulder, a little whisper across her skin. It was followed by a twin caress on her opposite side. It wasn’t bad. It was nice, a brushing of soft falls over her flesh.
She opened her senses, allowing touch and sound to rule. So often she lived only in her head, ignoring her body like it was secondary and somewhat useless in comparison. She chose intellect over everything else, but now she allowed herself to simply feel, to hear without questioning.
Thud. Thud. Thud. Like a train running endlessly down the tracks. Not in a hurry. No particular destination, traveling to simply travel.
Thud. Thud. Thud. Like the horse she’d learn to ride on, big hooves eating the distance, joy in the freedom of riding.
Thud. Thud. Thud. Though she was still, she felt as if she was moving, the insistent thud of the flogger taking her someplace she’d never been before.
Taggart kept pace with the music, his flogger moving in time to the rhythm. Over and over he struck with loving precision, bringing her skin alive. He struck her shoulders, her butt, the tops of her thighs. She could feel the almost circular pattern he was making, but after a moment, she took a breath and stopped thinking about the academics of the situation. She let out the air and felt her muscles relaxing even as the strikes got harder.
No pain. There was no pain from his flogger, just a hard thud, striking her and forcing the tension to flee.
She felt loose, like her muscles were melting in the most pleasant way. There was heat and pleasure at her back, but Jesse was at her front. She was surrounded and she gave in, allowing herself to sink into the sensation of being wrapped in tactile pleasure.
“I can feel you,” Jesse whispered against her ear. “I felt the moment you gave over. Do you know how beautiful you are?”
She didn’t answer him. It wasn’t really a question. He continued to murmur in her ear, his words somehow matching the floggers beat. They drugged her further, taking her to a place where there wasn’t a lonely future, no tragic past. There was only the now, and it was full of possibility. She didn’t have to be Phoebe Grant, grieving widow. She was just a woman, relaxed and submissive in the arms of her lover.
She wanted to be his lover. Even if it was only for a night.
The thought whispered along her brain. She could steal a few days. She didn’t have to be alone. No one had to know.
“She subs out fast.”
“I think she needed that.”
They were talking, Taggart and Jesse, and she realized that the wonderful thudding had stopped. “It’s already over?”
Taggart chuckled. “That was a good fifteen minutes. I think it’s enough for your first time.”
How had it been so long? If she’d been asked, she would have said she’d been held by Jesse for a fraction of the time.
“I think she needs some aftercare, my brother,” Taggart said as Jesse lifted her up.
It was a good thing because her knees were distinctly weak. Her whole body felt loose and her head sweetly befuddled.
How had she gotten high off some dude flogging her?
“Because you’re a sub.” Jesse grinned down at her as he started to move off the stage.
Had she said that out loud? She felt small in his arms, small and protected. It was so easy to cuddle down and allow him to take over. She let her eyes drift closed, but she wasn’t about to fall into sleep. She wanted something more. She wanted a memory of him.
“I think we can handle the aftercare upstairs.” He reached the back stairs that led to the second floor and their private quarters. “Do you want me to draw you a bath or do you just want me to tuck you into bed?”
“I want you to make love to me.”
He stopped in the middle of the stairs. “What?”
“Make love to me.”
He stared for a moment and then he picked up the pace, practically running to get to their room.
No matter what happened, she would have her night with him. She would have one memory of the man she shouldn’t love.
CHAPTER NINE
Jesse hurried down the hallway. From downstairs, music thudded up softly, but he was no longer tempted to go back to the club. He’d thought he would settle Phoebe in and then go back down for one last beer, but there was no way he wasn’t honoring her request.
He’d had some hope that she would let him rub her feet and talk about how the scene had made her feel. He’d never imagined that her aftercare request would involve actual sex.
Should it?