When the Heart Falls

THE CURSOR ON my screen glares at me. I’m tempted to kill Lance off early in the book so I don’t have to deal with ‘developing’ him. Right now I just don’t care how he feels about his best friend and her new love. I check my phone again, but no amount of obsessive watching will make it ring. I’m selfish, the worst kind of selfish as I pray for him to call me, to think of me, when he’s dealing with the potential death of his brother. Get a grip, Winter. The world doesn’t revolve around you.

I need something to take my mind off of him and this damn, silent phone and the mocking cursor on my computer screen, before I throw them both out the window.

Jenifer barges into our room, her hair wild and eyes smeared with make-up that doesn’t cover the dark circles under them. Her nights with Duke have been long. I don’t want to think about it. Nor do I want to analyze my own jealousy that she gets to keep her loser drug-dealing boyfriend, while Cade had to leave.

“Are you here for good or for a costume change?” I’m pretty sure I sound like a bitter old lady.

“Costume change, of course. Why would I come all the way to Paris to stay cooped up in a tiny dorm room? We’re heading to a party at the club…” she stutters and stops talking, avoiding my eyes. “Never mind, you’re probably busy.”

“The club where we went with Cade?”

She nods, still not looking at me.

The pain is still there, but I’m learning to live with it, and this could provide the distraction I need to keep me from going crazy, if it’s not too late already.

“It's fine. I’d love to go with you.”

She looks up from reapplying her make up. "You sure?"

"I’m sure."

Jenifer smiles and pulls out dresses from her closet. “I’m so glad. I hate seeing you in such a slump. Okay, now, which of my dresses are you going to wear?” She hands me an ice blue strapless dress, and I slip it on.

I feel exposed, and guilty for getting dressed up and going out when Cade is either facing his dying brother, or about to. But what can I do from a million miles away? For the first time I realize that long distance might not work, not when I can’t be there for him when he needs me. Not when I can’t wrap my arms around him and tell him it’s going to be okay. He’ll want someone who can do that, someone he can hold. He’ll find someone else and I’ll be here, in Paris, living a mockery of my life because I lost the love of my life while seeking love and adventure.

The irony is not lost on me as I pretend I’m not dying inside and follow Jenifer out of the dorms and into the night.



I don’t remember a lot about my last time at this club. It was like a dream, with monsters and magic and lights floating everywhere. Mostly I remember Cade. My Cade.

But just because I don’t remember, doesn’t mean the bartender has forgotten. With a smirk, he takes our order. “You want the alcoholic kind?”

In my normal life, I’d be embarrassed, but tonight I just don’t care. Let him think what he wants. Jenifer looks more ashamed than I feel, which is fitting since she caused all the problems the last time. “Just orange juice please," I say. "No alcohol.”

The beat of the music is infectious as I finish my drink, the tangy sweetness filling my mouth. My foot taps out the rhythm, and it’s so loud that it drowns out the aching in my heart, at least a little.

Emboldened, determined not to mope the rest of the summer, I reach for Jenifer. "Let's dance.”

"I'm good," Jenifer says. "You go ahead, girl."

"Come on. Dance with me."

"Maybe later. I need to keep an eye out for Duke."

"Fine. I'll dance by myself." I just need to move, to feel the music pulse through me, taking me over as I forget about everything and everyone.

It works. The energy in the air is intoxicating, and I succumb to it, shoving aside all rational thought as my body takes over. Someone moves too close to me, and I back away a bit. The later it gets, the more crowded the dance floor, and I can’t move far without knocking into others, so I let the contact become part of my dance. We’re one mass of bodies gyrating to ancient beats that have called to us since before the world became civilized.

I don’t realize how close the man behind me has gotten until I feel his body press up against my back, his hand gripping my hip. At first, my mind goes to Cade, and for a fraction of a second I’m happy again, forgetting all the pain of recent days, but then I remember, it can’t be him, and another emotion takes over. My heart pounds its fear as I pull away from the stranger and turn around, my skin crawling from the unwanted touch.

His lips brush my ear as he refuses to release me. "It’s good to see you, Winter. You never call me."

Rocco. I step back, peeling his hand from my hip, knowing it will leave a bruise even as I bump into a girl behind me who glares at me.