When the Heart Falls

Winter is ready for our night out, dressed in a stunning red tank top dress that clings to her figure and flutters around her calves at the bottom. I’m still looking for clean jeans while she watches me.

I find a pair in the back of my closet and pull them on, then button up the blue dress shirt I’m wearing.

Winter sighs in disappointment once my clothes are on, and I laugh and swat her bottom. “Plenty of time for the clothing optional portion of our evening later.”

We walk out together, and I turn away from her to lock up. She reaches for my hand, her fingers skimming over the scars forming on my knuckles from the night of my fight.

"I haven't seen Rodney in a while,” she says.

I freeze, not turning around to face her. "Maybe he's skipping. Exams are over."

She wraps her arms around my waist and presses against me. "You don't have to tell me what happened. I saw the cuts on your hand. Just tell me you're not in trouble."

"I'm not in trouble."

She stands on her tiptoes and whispers in my ear. "Thank you. I can never lose you."

Relief floods me. "I couldn't let him hurt you again, but I’m sorry I didn’t tell you." I didn't want to worry you. I didn't want to scare you. "There's been too much pain caused by too many secrets. No more. I need someone to know me. I need you."

A tear slides down my cheek as a flood of emotions hit me. Standing in the hall I tell her about my family, about Pete and his letter and how I let my dad destroy him piece by piece for being gay. I tell her about my grandfather and how he ran his family with an iron fist. Everything spills out of me and the weight of it, the burden of it, lifts from my shoulders.

She listens, eyes wise and kind, arms holding me, holding my pain until it dissipates. She kisses away my tears, just as I had done for her, and I know beyond doubt that she’s the woman I’ll spend my life with. That every memory is made sweeter when she is here to share it. That this is why we all crave love and relationships, connection, because alone we are floating in emptiness, but with another we have someone to carry those memories with us. It makes life more real. It makes us more real.





WINTER DEVEAUX

CHAPTER 43





THE SKY OPENS up and pours down on us as we rush into the club. I’m not sure why I’m here. If I’ve learned nothing else this summer it’s that the club and party life is so not my scene. It’s not really Cade’s either, but I know he’s disappointed about his grade, even if it was expected. If going out and dancing makes him feel better, then I’m willing to put aside my unease to join him. As long as we’re together, it really doesn’t matter where we are.

A slow pop song blasts from various speakers as we approach the bar to order drinks.

The bartender recognizes us, and he raises an eyebrow when Jenifer orders an orange juice. "Not your usual?"

She tosses her hair over her shoulder. "I'm trying to mix things up."

He pours us both our juices and hands Cade a soda, but doesn’t take his eyes off Jenifer. "I've seen you on the dance floor."

"And?"

"I like what I see."

She pulls some cash out of her purse and leaves it on the bar. "Thanks."

He leans in, smiling. "You know, I was thinking, I get off at eleven. How about we get together then?"

She rolls her eyes. "I'm taking a break from things that want to do me."

"Come on. I've seen you with a bunch of guys." The bartender has bedroom eyes and is probably considered sexy by most females. I doubt he’s used to rejection.

"Seen. As in past tense. As in shut the fuck up and let me enjoy my drink."

He scowls at her and walks away to help another customer.

I pat her on the back. "I'm so proud of you. You're all grown up and responsible and shit. But I hope you're not doing this for me, because of our pinky swear. I officially negate the pinky swear. You are free to do or be done by whomever you choose, as long as you're safe."

She grins and sips her juice. "I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for me. I need to take time to figure out who I am when I'm not with a man. And who I want to be. How else will I ever know who I want to be with?" She takes a seat at the bar and pushes me away. "Now, go dance, girl."

"You won't get lonely?"

She holds up her glass. "I have my orange juice."

Cade offers me his hand. "Shall we?"

I’m reluctant to leave her alone, but she can take care of herself, so I join Cade on the dance floor. As we make our way to the center I get a chill down my spine like someone's following me, just like a while back when I was walking to Vincent's. I look around but don’t recognize anyone, so I shrug it off.

Cade looks down at me, his brow furrowed. "You okay?"

I wrap my arms around his neck, enjoying the feel of his body against mine. "I'm with you, aren’t I? How can I not be?”