When the Heart Falls

"Just a joke." I have inside jokes too now.

We leave the hospital together. Daring has a car and drives us back to the dorm. I’m healing fast, though Cade takes his job seriously and never lets me out of his sight. When I insist that I can at least use the bathroom alone, he raises an eyebrow. “That seems to be the most dangerous place for you!”

Touché.

I don’t mind his hovering, though. It makes me feel safe, and there’s no one I’d rather spend every minute with. Through all this drama I’d nearly forgotten about my book, but I’m excited to see that a few well-placed ads gave The Ice Queen a nice launch, and I’m actually making decent sales. I can’t believe I’ve actually made real money as an author. It’s a heady experience.

When my parents arrive my mom hugs me and doesn’t want to let me go. "We're so proud of you, honey.”

My dad pats my knee. "I heard how you kicked Rodney's ass.”

Cade, who’s sitting with his arm around me, squeezes my shoulder. “She was amazing, sir.”

We’re packed pretty tightly into Cade’s dorm room since he has space not being used by a roommate. My parents wanted to take everyone out to dinner, but I asked if we could talk first. "I have more to tell you about Rodney and what happened." My mom looks worried, my dad frowns and Autumn and Daring just listen.

I tell them everything, and each time I tell the story it’s easier and easier. When I’m done my mother sobs and reaches for me. “Oh honey. I’m so sorry.”

My dad looks at Cade and nods to him. “If you hadn’t already beat the shit out of him," Dad says, "I would have. Thank you for doing what you could to protect my little girl.”

Autumn and Daring are shocked. They can’t believe they never noticed the signs or figured it out. I think it hits Daring the hardest, since we were roommates. She hugs me and cries. “I wish you’d told me, or someone."

Tears burn my eyes. "I did."

Everyone turns to look at me. Daring grips my hand. "You did what?"

"I did tell someone." Swallowing, I look at each of them. "Do you remember the guidance counselor we had at school? Brown hair? Always wore skirts too short and the boys made it a point to visit her office a lot?"

My mom nods. "She was just out of college. Ms. Clementine, I think her name was."

"After the first time it happened, after the party, I told her. I… " the words are hard to find, even still. "I was scared to tell you. I'm so sorry. If only I had, I could have saved myself so much pain. But I'd been drinking and at a party you'd told me I couldn't go to. I didn't want to get in trouble, but I knew what happened was bad, so I told her two days later."

My dad's face hardens. "What happened, Winter? What did she say?"

A tear leaks out, and Cade wraps an arm around me. "She said no one would believe me," I say. "That probably some part of me wanted it to happen if I was willing to go to a party and drink and make out with my boyfriend."

Daring covers her mouth with her hands, her eyes wide. "Oh, Winter. That bitch."

Autumn shakes her head. "How could she? We would have believed you, honey. We would have."

A sob escapes and I shove it back down, unwilling to break down right now. "I was still going to tell you. I was working up to it. But then, another girl at another school had something similar happen. I saw her on the news and on Facebook, how everyone blamed her, no one believed her. Maybe her family did, I don't know. It didn't matter, because they attacked her everywhere, made her life hell. And then, she committed suicide. In her note she said that she never should have told, that living with the secret would have been easier than becoming a victim all over again. And I knew it would happen to me, that Rodney and his friends would destroy me, so I stayed silent. And let it happen."

Daring clenches her jaw. "France better convict him, because if they send that asshole home I will end him.”

I believe her, too. She’s not one you want to mess with.

The mood is too macabre now, air thick with the tension of my latest revelation. Even Cade looks sad, and I know he's thinking of Pete and how shame, fear, the pain of living with other people's hatred, can lead someone to end their own life.

He kisses my cheek and wipes away a tear. "You did what you had to do at the time, Winter. No one blames you. Our world isn't always kind to people who need it. I'm just glad it's over, that you're safe now and free of him forever."

We all sit in silence for too long, everyone too sad or worried to say something, so I break the mood, ready to move on to happier stories and memories. “How about that dinner?" I say. "I know a great place to eat.”

I invite Jenifer to join us, and we take them to Vincent’s, who greets us warmly and clears a large table for us. He sent over food for me when I got out of the hospital, and I take a moment to thank him.