Derek always seems to have it all figured out. Derek’s life is the one I want.
“You two were way happier than almost any other couple I’ve known,” Derek says. “She’s on board with the trans stuff. Not to mention she’s gorgeous and funny and smart. I’d have hung on to her as long as I could. But everybody’s got their own thing going on, so if you need space, you need space.”
“What if I don’t need space?” I ask.
“You’ve only had space for two days,” Nance says. “Try it out.”
“Bible study! Tomorrow night!” Eli’s yelling now. They can probably hear it on the second floor of Wigg. “Wherever you are in your spiritual journey, there’s room in your heart for the Lord!”
“Did I tell you what she said?” I ask the others, charging ahead without regard for pronouns. I still don’t like how they sound, but I don’t have time to think through my linguistic choices anymore. “She asked me to give her percentage odds on whether I was going to transition. She said figuring out if I’m trans was my ‘new thing.’ Then she said, ‘I don’t care what gender you are. It couldn’t matter less to me.’”
Nance nods. “So?”
“So?” I say. “So she shouldn’t have said all that stuff!”
“Why?” Derek asks. “It sounds to me like she’s just trying to understand. I’m sure she only meant she’d be supportive no matter what.”
I can’t believe them. Aren’t they listening to me? “Did you hear the part where she called it my ‘new thing’?”
“Yeah, that part’s lame,” Nance says. “She shouldn’t have said that. It’s like she’s implying that you’re going through a little phase or something.”
Derek shakes his head, but I nod vigorously.
“What really gets me,” I add, “is that she’s acting as if it isn’t even important. When this is the most important thing in my life right now. She doesn’t get that.”
“T, look, I see what you’re saying, but you’re dramatically overanalyzing,” Nance says.
“Yeah,” Derek says. “You’ve got to cut the girl some slack.”
“She doesn’t get it,” I say. “She’s barely even thought about any of this stuff. She doesn’t know anything about what it’s like being trans.”
“What, do you only want to date trans people from now on?” Nance asks. “Or would anyone with a PhD in queer studies work for you? God, do you ever even listen to yourself? You’re as bad as—you know what, never mind. I’m going inside to get a damn brownie. Derek, you talk some sense into this kid.”
We watch Nance storm up the steps to the library. Derek lets out a low whistle after the door swings closed behind Nance. “Nice going. I’ve never been that good at getting rid of her.”
“Should I go say something?” I clearly crossed a line.
“Nah, you’ll just piss her off,” Derek says. “Don’t worry too much, though. I don’t think that was entirely about you.”
Eli comes over and gazes up the steps after Nance, then pats Derek on the shoulder. “Dude, I know she’s your best friend and all, but when Nance starts screeching like that, I can’t handle it. One of these days I’m going to lose an eardrum.”
“Give her time,” Derek says. “She’ll calm down. Uh, probably.”
Wait. Best friend? Nance is Derek’s best friend? What does that make me?
The door behind us bursts open so loud we all turn to look. Nance is back already. Eli makes a beeline for the bottom of the steps and starts yelling about Bible study again.
“Okay, look.” Nance doesn’t sit back down, so I stand up. It’s clear Nance has something to tell me. “I decided I should explain this to you, because I think you aren’t intentionally being a jerk. I think you really just don’t know any better.”
I look to Derek for help, but Derek is still sitting down, deliberately looking away from us.
“Uh, thanks?” I say to Nance.
“Shut up and listen,” Nance says. “You know that thing you do where you try to figure out everybody’s story the second you meet them? Whether they’re trans or cis or queer or straight, so you can decide whether you like them?”
The hell? “I don’t do that!”
“You totally do that. I saw you doing it the first day you met us. You couldn’t tell about Eli, so you were checking him out hard-core for, like, ten minutes. It was embarrassing.”
I turn around to make sure Eli didn’t hear that, but Eli’s yelling at another batch of tourists. “Nance, I’ve got no clue what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t play dumb. You do it with everyone. You try to put people in boxes so you know where you stand next to them. That’s why you latched on to Derek like a sycophant.”
“I did not!”
“Please, guys, leave me out of this.” Derek’s still looking straight ahead.