I smiled through the tears that were stinging my eyes.
“I don’t know what’s going on, but I have an idea,” he said softly.
“I doubt it,” I said, taking my hand from his and climbing out of the truck. I heard his door open and close behind me. He met me at the front door, unlocking it and turning off the alarm system. I sat my purse down on the couch and looked around. I suddenly felt out of place, so unwelcome. It was like the house now knew my secrets and was spewing me out like the toxic mess I was.
A ruiner of dreams—that was me.
I couldn’t ruin his, even if it meant ruining myself.
“So?”
“So what?” I asked.
He looked at me patiently. The lines at the sides of his eyes were deep. He was tired. He’d been working so damn hard and now I was going to drop this into his lap. I was going to ruin the image he had of me in his mind; he’d never look at me the same.
But he would understand why I’d been pushing him away. Why the expiration date on our relationship was drawing closer.
“Can we not talk about it?” I asked hopefully.
He heaved out a breath. “If that makes you happy, but we’re gonna have to discuss it sooner or later, Kari. Something happened with you and him and by the look on his face, he’s not gonna let it go. And I’ll tell ya what,” he said, taking a step towards me, “I’m not about to sit around and let that happen. There’s not a chance in hell, sweetheart.”
“Oh, Max,” I said, my voice cracking. The tears flew down my face like it was a race to stain my dress. I sat on the couch and put my head in my hands, fear mixing with the rejection that was barreling towards me head on.
This was going to happen sooner or later . . .
“I want you to know that I love you and I’m really sorry for leading you on this long,” I said through my wet fingers.
He sat beside me, trying to pull me into his lap but I resisted. I needed space for this.
Space is something I needed to get used to real quick.
I took a deep breath and gathered my courage.
It was going to take all I had to nuke the best thing that had ever happened to me.
MAX
She wouldn’t let me hold her.
There were a lot of things she refused me in our relationship, but that was a new one. She always let me hold her, love on her. She may protest and throw up a bit of a fight, but she always let me in the end. The physical part of our relationship she never had a problem with. Hell, it was how I communicated with her half the time. I told her I loved her and she’d balk; I’d love her body and she reciprocated.
So why not now?
“What’s goin’ on?” It sounded more like a plea than I intended for it to, but I didn’t really care. It killed me not to ask her in the truck, but I knew she was working through whatever had just happened and I knew whatever happened was huge and would be comin’ out regardless.
She looked at me sadly, mascara running down her cheeks. “I knew Blaine a long time ago,” she began, her voice wavering. “We were engaged, actually.”
I started putting those pieces together in the truck, a jigsaw coming to life.
“We were going to move to California. We had a marriage license and everything.” Her voice broke and a sob hiccupped in her chest.
Good lord . . .
“I had a surgery when I was a little girl, not long after Mom died. When I was a teenager, I had a lot of cramping and stuff. The doctor said I’d probably never be able to have a baby. There was a lot of scar tissue and stuff.”
She fought back the sobs that were trying to escape. She was struggling to maintain control and the sight killed me. Watching her break broke me.
I reached for her again, not sure where this was going. The words coming out of her mouth seemed to physically hurt her, pain etched across her face. I just wanted to hold her close, but she pushed away. Again.
My breathing was shallow. I hated seeing her in pain like this. I didn’t really even care at that point what happened between her and Blaine. I just wanted to make her better.
She swallowed. “Blaine knew what the doctor had said and he was fine with it because he didn’t want kids anyway. His parents were drunks and his brother was an asshole, so he didn’t want kids. He just wanted to live free and happily, not responsible for anything or anyone. Then one day I missed my period and was really sick and . . .” Kari looked to me, the whites of her eyes red. “I was pregnant. I was due on my birthday.”
Her hands flew to her stomach without her even realizing it. I wanted to reach out and grab her, hold her to me, but I was afraid it’d shake her outta the moment and she’d stop talking. I could tell she’d held this in for so long, I wanted her to get it off her chest.
For her good. Not mine.
I tried to process what she said, to wrap my head around the points she was making, but I couldn’t get passed the look on her face.