I could guess what ran through his head. How many condoms had I used? Had I replenished the box? Had I used David’s instead? I didn’t want him having those thoughts. He’d end up on the moral seesaw again, wondering if he was wrong in taking me. We were in such a good place and I refused to let anything from our past ruin that.
My heart hiccupped as Ren battled beneath his mental struggle, and I stole the box back, cracking it open to reveal a neat regimented row of foil wrapped condoms glinting in the gloom. There were too many to count quickly or guess how many were missing. But Ren wouldn’t need to guess. I would tell him.
“I only used two. Well, three, counting last night.” I kept my fingers locked tight on the box.
“What?” He coughed. “How is that possible? I saw you kissing Tom at the Halloween party. I’d seen how passionate you were. I lived with you, for God’s sake. As you slowly awakened to the idea of sex, it drove me mad every time you went out with your friends, not knowing what you were doing.”
My insides smarted for how much I’d hurt him over the years, but I stayed brave because I owed him this. I owed him an apology. “You’re forgetting that most of the time, I was in agony over you, Ren. I only used two; you have my word. One the night I lost my virginity, and one the night of my eighteenth birthday.” I didn’t want images of me sleeping with others in his head, but he needed to know the truth—that I wasn’t some harlot, even if I made him think I was.
I never looked away from him. He deserved to be able to read the honesty on my face, not just hear it. “Yes, I lost my virginity because I was messed up over you. But I chose not to have sex again because I wasn’t emotionally ready. I didn’t sleep with anyone until that second time on my birthday. And I didn’t do it because I wanted him. I did it because I wanted you.”
He sucked in a noisy breath.
“For months, I’d felt as if you were near. My missing you was at an all-time high. I never wanted to be with anyone else but you. I’m a terrible person for using David when I never stopped loving you.”
He made a sound as if I’d kicked him in the gut. “Della—”
“I don’t say any of this to be cruel, Ren.” I shook my head, wet strands clinging to my shoulders. “I’m telling you out of pure honesty because you never truly accepted that I could love you as much as you love me. You are my entire world. You ran because of me. And in some part of my mind, I’m worried you’ll run again if this is too much to accept.”
Sick, sick shame filled his face. “God, Della. You let me take you so roughly—you have cuts and bruises all over you—and it was only your third time?” He dug fingers into his hair. “Why didn’t you…I don’t know…?” He looked at me with pain and self-disgust. “I should’ve taken you gently. I should’ve remembered you are so youn—”
“If you call me young, we’ll have a problem.”
His lips thinned. “But it’s the truth. I raised you, for God’s sake. I should’ve been more careful.” Backing away, he wiped his mouth with a trembling hand. “I pushed you into losing your virginity by being an asshole, and I’m the reason you did it a second time by watching you instead of having the balls to admit I was back in town. I-I don’t know what to say.”
“I don’t want you to say anything. Words only get you into trouble.”
“But I should have—”
“What? Waited until we were in some motel and gone slow? Ren, I love you. But when you start second-guessing yourself, you’re really a pain in the ass, you know that?” Holding up the back of my arm where a pretty decent scratch had scabbed over, I said firmly, “I wear these with pride. Every second of last night was better than any fantasy I’ve ever had of you, and believe me, I’ve had a lot.”
A twisted half-smile decorated his face.
“I was only able to come because you gave me exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it. Your strength. Your aggression. I need that because all my life you’ve been strong and aggressive in keeping me safe, and somehow, I’ve come to associate that with you loving me. If you dare touch me with kitten gloves and feather kisses, I’ll just rile you up until you snap again.” I chuckled under my breath. “And we both know how easy I can spark your temper. Don’t make me prove it.”
He rolled his eyes, tension slipping down his spine. “I always knew you were trouble, Della Ribbon.”
“And I always knew you were it for me, Ren Wild.”
He closed the distance, tugging the ends of my dripping hair, his knuckles brushing my nipples. “How is it that you turned out like me when I did everything I could to prevent it?”
“How is it that you see that as a bad thing when it’s the best thing in the world?”
“It’s not a bad thing.” He gathered me close, one hand going between my shoulder blades and the other on the top of my bare ass. “It’s a miraculous thing. We’re so similar that I swear if I didn’t have memories of being sold that day, or vague images of my mother, I’d be terrified we were actually brother and sister, and Mclary was my father, too.”
I fake shuddered. “God, can you imagine it? A lifetime of lying about being siblings only to find out we actually are?”
His face darkened as troubling thoughts filled his gaze. Bringing me flush against his nakedness, he whispered against my ear, “Even if that were true, now I’ve had you, I wouldn’t be able to stop.”
Molten heat swelled between my legs.
“Now I’ve been inside you and found the girl of my dreams, I don’t care if our blood runs the same. We share the same heart anyway. I’d live in sin and go to hell because I literally could never give you up.” Ren tugged my hair, arching my neck so he could latch his lips and teeth onto my throat. “I thought I was sick before—wanting you after so many years between us—but I truly must be the devil if I can admit I would fight every law, rule, and enemy if they ever tried to take you away from me.”
His lips made their way to mine, planting firm. A swift, dominant tongue slipped into my mouth.
My knees gave out as I surrendered absolutely. In that second, I felt entirely like a girl and not a woman. I felt young and being kissed by a much older, braver, purer person than I could ever be.
“Ren…” I moaned against his lips as his hand trailed down my body, dipping between my legs and finding how wet I was.
He growled beneath his breath, driving two fingers inside me as he wrapped his arm around my hips, holding me steady.
“Tent, Ren.” I stumbled backward, wanting so much to continue what he was doing but quickly losing my eye sight to galaxies and shooting stars the longer he stroked me.
Ripping his fingers from me, he spun me around and pushed my back. “Get in.”
As I tripped forward, he stole the condom box from my hand, fisted a single one, and tossed the rest to the side.
Slick sweat sprouted over my skin, full of needle pricks of anticipation as I ducked under the awning, and Ren followed me inside, almost as if he were as dazed as me.
Our sleeping bags were unzipped and ready to cocoon us.
“Lie down, Della.”
Ren’s command was full of wood smoke and kindling. “Now.”
I had a physical reaction to him commanding me—a rippling squeeze of pure lust from my heart to my core.
Flopping onto my back, I looked up as he kneeled above me, his cock jutting out, his eyes wild as the feral cats we’d seen stalking us for our scraps.
“Open your legs.” Ren sucked in a breath, biting his bottom lip when I did as he asked. He was as naked as a heaven-sent prince ready to corrupt me.
I didn’t care I was exposed to him. I didn’t care we hadn’t fully cleared the air. All I cared about was Ren and the clawing hunger rapidly filling the tent with hailing fury.
“What am I going to do with you, my dear Little Ribbon?” Opening the foil packet, he plucked out the slippery condom and, without tearing his gaze from mine, rolled it down his impressive length before squeezing the base and hissing between his teeth. “You’ve seen me at my worst, my sickest, my angriest, and my saddest. But you haven’t seen me when I’m so fucking hard I have no control.” Letting himself go, he crawled toward me, settled between my legs, and bowed until his mouth hovered just above my core.