Holy shit. I’m pretty sure my own mom just told me I’m fat. I was eating crackers with peanut butter and she started reading the label and was all “Do you know how many fat grams are in peanut butter?” I was like, “What are you saying, Mom?” She took away the peanut butter and was like, “You’ll thank me later.” I asked her if she wanted me to have an eating disorder (although I think she already knows I occasionally make myself puke) and she was like, “If by eating disorder, you mean not eating peanut butter, then yes.” Wow. Are you kidding me??!!! It’s like all she cares about is how people look. How I look. Rachel’s mom is so much nicer. Every time I go over there she tells me how much fun I am to be around. She is so right about that. I am more than just another pretty face.
April 2
Rachel and I watched Blaine pitch a no-hitter against Central last night. It was SO hot. I love guys who are good at sports. It’s not so much that I love jocks as it is that I love when people are passionate about something. I wish I had a passion (other than Blaine). Rachel has school, Ethan has his writing and all his political activist stuff, Annalise has horseback riding. I’m going to try to find a hobby if it kills me. Or become an expert in something cool. Like become a storm chaser or a poker player or a contortionist. Then again, maybe all of that isn’t necessary. I mean, I seriously doubt if Cindy Crawford is collecting rare coins on the side.
April 3
My dad got two tickets to Les Misérables from one of his patients. He gave them to me so I called and asked Blaine out. He hemmed and hawed and said he had a girlfriend. I said I knew he had a girlfriend but that I just wanted to go as friends. Wasn’t he allowed to have friends? It totally worked! He said yes! Crucial! Rachel is all judgey because she knows what I’m up to and said she feels sorry for Cassandra. I told her all’s fair in love and war. I wonder where that quote came from? Shakespeare? The Bible? Elvis? Whoever made it up was pretty smart. I totally, totally believe in that saying.
April 14
Blaine and I had an amazing time on our date. I wore a little black sundress from Express and stuffed my push-up bra almost to the point of cleavage. The musical was really good, and I grabbed Blaine’s hand just after intermission. He looked nervous but didn’t move it. Afterwards, Blaine drove me back to my house, and we made out in the basement (after I went to the bathroom and took out the tissues, of course!). He didn’t end up going for my boobs, though, and it was all pretty PG-13 but still steamy with lots of kissing. When he went for my neck, I warned him that I bruise easily, but that didn’t stop him from giving me a hickey. I showed it off proudly at school rather than wearing a turtleneck the way other girls do, and it was all anyone could talk about. But the best part was that Blaine dumped Cassandra the very next day! I feel sort of bad because he said she cried, but he reassured me that it wasn’t my fault. They clearly weren’t meant to be. Because WE ARE! Even Rachel is on board now. She told me that she admires the way I go for what I want and wishes she were more like that. I thought that was a really nice thing to say because sometimes it feels like I’m not very good at anything.
April 20
I’m soooo into Blaine and he feels the same about me. He gave me a note today that said, Dear Darcy, You look smokin’ today in that dress. I’m thinking about you all the time, and I like it. Love, Blaine. How sweet is that??? Being with him makes me feel all funny inside. Like my heart races and I get really dizzy. That never happened with Carlos. I wonder if this is a sign of true love?? I am dying to say those three words to him, but want him to tell me first.
May 1
Blaine and I had a long talk about sex. He said he wanted to do it with me prom weekend and admitted that he was a virgin. Which I pretty much knew from snooping through his bag and reading a letter that Cassandra wrote him about “saving herself for marriage.” (How lame is that? What if you marry a guy and he sucks in bed?? What then?? It’s like not test-driving a car.) Anyway, I sort of fibbed and told him that I was a virgin too, ignoring Rachel’s advice that a relationship built on lies will never last in the long run. I agree with her in theory, but this lie is more about protecting his feelings and making his first time more special. In a strange way, Rachel can be a little coldhearted sometimes.
May 28