The Diary of Darcy J. Rhone (Darcy & Rachel 0.5)



Ugh. I’m so over Carlos. How could I have thought that he was “the one”? I need dark, handsome, AND tall. Not just two of the three. I told Rachel that and she said I should try a little harder to be a little less shallow. It really hurt my feelings. I was like how can you say that about your best friend? She goes, “Because what you just said is sort of the definition of shallow,” in her holier-than-thou tone. I was like, “No it’s not. It’s about wanting to be happy. Is it noble to not be attracted to your husband?” She rolled her eyes and said, “Lemme guess. I bet you want him to be rich too?” Like that’s some kind of a crime. So I quoted my mom and told her it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich guy as a poor guy. I love Rachel but she really has a lot to learn.





September 1





We’re juniors! Upperclassmen at last! Life is good. I don’t even mind being back in school because I’m getting my driver’s license in a month, and Carlos is gone. Good riddance. Rachel was right (as usual) because I really do regret sleeping with him and wish I had saved myself for Blaine, the new kid in school who just moved here from Columbus. He supposedly has some girlfriend named Cassandra back home, but I’m pretty sure I can bust that up. Give me a month, tops.



October 28





I finally got my driver’s license—three times the charm! Thank God I passed because Ethan was having way too much fun. I swear he got happier every time I failed. He even gave me a remote-control car for my birthday, saying it would be the only car I’d learn to drive anytime soon. And it wasn’t even a cool car. Bite me.





The only other interesting thing I can think of is that Michael Dukakis came to speak at our town hall meeting and Rachel and Ethan dragged me along. (They are democrats—although obviously none of us can vote yet.) His speech was pretty boring, but I loved watching the secret service agents. There’s something about a man with an earpiece and a gun! I would never marry a cop, though. They don’t make enough money. But I might make an exception for a firefighter. There is nothing sexier than a man brave enough to run into a burning building.





November 9





George Bush won the election, and Rachel and I won airband for the second year in a row. We did Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock’s “It Takes Two.” Everyone loved it! “Hit it! I’m not internationally known! But I’m known throughout the Naperville home!” It was really cute, and it got Blaine’s attention for sure. I saw him in the front row, laughing, eyes on me the whole time. He likes me—I just know he does. If only he’d dump his stupid girlfriend already. I saw her picture in his locker. She’s not even that pretty, and her hair looks so seventies. Straight-up Marcia Brady. No—make that Jan.



December 23





I finally figured out what to get Rachel for Christmas! A framed poster of Bono for her room. He’s wearing a cowboy hat and sunglasses and he looks pretty hot, and he’s not even my type. It’s the perfect gift for her because she is so into U2 it’s crazy. She and Ethan even slept out for tickets last spring for the Joshua Tree Tour. I like a couple of their songs, but I think bands like Whitesnake and Poison and Bon Jovi are so much cooler. Anyway, Rachel is going to love her gift, which is good because I accidentally went into the craft room in her basement and saw what she is making me—a collage of all the fun stuff we’ve done together since junior high. It has ticket stubs and pictures and song lyrics that she wrote in calligraphy. It is the coolest gift ever. She is seriously the best friend a girl could ever want. I have spent the night at her house since we got off for Christmas break. It’s so much nicer and cozier over there. For one, she doesn’t have a dumb little brother. For another, her parents never fight like mine do. And most of all, it’s just fun to hang out with her. We sleep in her bed and just talk and talk until one of us falls asleep. Just like real sisters. Anyway, I think it’s going to be a very merry Christmas!!! Even without a boyfriend!



January 1, 1989





Wow. I can’t believe it’s the last year of the eighties! Crazy!!! Almost time to start thinking about college. Kind of scary because my grades suck. I have a 2.8—and even if I studied every day from now until graduation I don’t think I could pull it up to a 3.0. But I did join Amnesty International with Ethan and Rachel. That will be good for my lame-o transcript. And it’s a nice bonus to help out all those innocent, tortured prisoners.



February 17