I wanted to comfort him and beg him to stop crying, but I couldn’t stop myself. My sense of relief was so huge—I was completely overwhelmed. He was really here and this wasn’t a dream. I wasn’t sure how long we held each other, but it felt like hours. His scent surrounded me and I was home.
When he finally released me, I collapsed back on the bed, exhausted. I hadn’t even done anything, but I was so tired. “Sorry, you need to rest,” he said, pulling the blanket up over me. He looked at me, taking in every inch of my face. I bet I looked a terrible, with cuts and bruises all over me. I dropped my eyes to the blanket, seeing him look at me like that was too intense. I felt too vulnerable. Lewis could see through me better than anyone else—probably because I told him everything. There was no bullshitting him.
I bit my lip and played with my fingers. “Are you leaving?”
He shook his head. “I’m not going anywhere. Ever again, actually.”
I smirked, closed my eyes. “Stalker.” His quiet chuckle filled the room and he took my hand, pressing his lips to my knuckles. I smiled as I fell asleep.
34
SUMMER
Saturday, March 26th (Present)
I knelt down and laid the daisies on Layal’s grave. Becca did the same for Rose, laying down a large bunch of red roses. She would have still wanted roses. Poppy—Becca—and I had been calling each other by our real names since we left the hospital, but calling her Becca and hearing her say Summer was still weird.
I missed Rose and Layal so much it made me feel sick. They had become my family, and I still woke up every morning expecting them to be there. I had a lot of guilt that I couldn’t help Rose, but I wasn’t sure if there was anything I would have been able to do anyway. She had been down there too long. She couldn’t be anywhere else. But even so, whenever I thought about the day that I was finally back with my family being looked after while she was alone, swiping medication and overdosing, I hated myself.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered to them both. Sorry for not finding something that could have helped Rose, and sorry that I hadn’t been able to fight Clover off Violet long enough.
Becca grabbed my hand. “It wasn’t your fault, Sum.” I knew it wasn’t, but I still felt awful. Survivor’s guilt, apparently. They died and I managed to get out alive. “We should go. You’ve got to be home soon.”
I nodded. My family had barely let me out since I got back. They watched my every move, and I couldn’t even go outside without one of them following me.
“I’ll come back soon,” I promised Rose and Violet. We walked back toward the road. “So, you’re definitely coming tonight?”
Becca nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be over at six thirty.”
“Good girl.” She rolled her eyes and linked her arm though mine. Over the past ten days, we had spent most of our time together. We were both on very friendly terms with each other’s families. Our situation united us all. Becca and Henry had also been growing closer. I had a feeling it wouldn’t be long before they were together—if Becca could get past her fear of not being good enough. I wanted that for her—even though it was gross her being with my brother. She deserved to be happy. I reminded myself to tell him to buy her a cottage so she could finally live the life she dreamed of.
Becca’s brother’s car was parked next to Lewis’s, where he was waiting for me. He jumped out of the car as we walked through the gate to the parking lot, worry etched on his face. I was surprised he hadn’t gone prematurely gray. “Okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine. I just want to go home and relax,” I replied and got in the passenger side. I saw him frown, hurt, as I got in the car before going to him. Take your own advice. Since Clover, I hadn’t felt good enough for Lewis. Surely, he was only with me because he felt sorry for me? He knew everything, so how could he want me? He was in love with the old Summer, and it was only a matter of time before he realized I wasn’t her.
Lewis got in the car and turned to me. Becca’s brother drove off, and I watched them disappear around the corner. “I love you,” he whispered, turning and looking directly into my eyes. I didn’t doubt it, but it wasn’t love for me now.
“I love you too, Lewis.”
“But?”
“No buts.”
He raised his eyebrows. “I know you, Summer. I know there’s something you’re not telling me.”
I sighed in frustration. “Lewis, can we just forget it and go home, please?” We stared at each other. I wasn’t going to back down. I didn’t want to admit how I felt in case he confirmed it. “Becca’s coming over tonight.”
“Okay. You think we could have a night alone soon?” I froze. Alone to do what? “I don’t expect anything!” he exclaimed and frowned. “Summer, you never have to do anything you don’t want to with me, ever. I don’t expect anything from you. Fuck, I wanna kill that fucking bastard!”
I smiled. “Language.”