I pointed to the better blue ones she was holding; the gloves in her other hand were a boring blue. “I like them.”
“Then we’ll get them. Come, let’s look for a sweater and then maybe we can get a hot chocolate with marshmallows to warm ourselves up.” I jumped up and down. I loved hot chocolate and marshmallows, and it was really cold outside.
Mummy chose Daddy’s sweater and a pair of trousers and two pairs of socks. I wanted to leave and get the hot chocolate. “Right,” she said when she had paid the lady. “Chocolate and then the supermarket for our ingredients.”
“Yeah,” I cheered.
I followed her, sipping my boiling-hot hot chocolate. I had already eaten the marshmallows—they were the best part and I always ate them first. Mommy stopped in every aisle, even after we had got everything we needed. She leaned over and smelled the flowers. “Do you want to smell, Colin?”
I turned my nose up. “No, they smell yuk.”
She frowned. “Sweetheart, flowers are not ‘yuk.’ They’re nature’s most beautiful creation. Come on now.” She picked up a really bright tulip and held it by my nose. I sniffed and it was okay. “See. It smells pretty, doesn’t it?”
I shrugged. “It’s okay, I guess.”
Mummy stood up straight and looked at the old lady. “Can I have a bunch of the tulips, please?”
“A good choice, that one,” the old lady replied to Mummy. “I love to liven up the dark winter nights with colorful flowers.” I looked around at the toy display because I was really bored. I wanted to go home and make cookies and sausage rolls.
“Ready, Colin?” Mummy said, tugging on my hand. “I think we’re all finished.”
“Ready.” I grinned.
***
“What the hell is this?” Mummy’s shouting made me jump, and I ran out of my room. She was looking in her bedroom. “Get out! Get out, you whore,” she screamed.
My heart was beating really, really fast, and I was scared. What was a whore? “Mummy?” I called and started crying. She didn’t hear me—she was too busy shouting. I stepped closer and saw Daddy in bed with the cover wrapped around him and another lady pulling her dress over her head. What were they doing?
“Beatrice,” Daddy said. “I can explain.”
“Shut up! Get the hell out. I don’t want to see you ever again and take you dirty whore with you!” Mummy never shouted. I jumped into the corner of the hallway and sat on the floor. I looked up over my knees and saw the other lady run out of the room and down the stairs. Daddy followed but he stopped. “Get out and don’t ever contact us again.”
“Beatrice, please let me explain. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. It didn’t mean anything; it was a mistake.”
“You’re sorry you were caught, you sick bastard. You leave us alone.”
“But Colin…”
Mummy laughed but it wasn’t her happy laugh. “You don’t love him. You don’t love either of us. You picked that over us. Get. Out.” My lip trembled. My daddy didn’t love me and my mummy was mad. I closed my eyes, held my head, and cried.
Sunday, January 30th (Present)
I smiled tightly as Lewis and what looked like his brother approached. “Thanks for coming,” Lewis said. “The groups have been organized already, but you can go with us.”
“Okay,” I replied. “I’ll go wherever I’m needed. I’m Colin Brown.”
“Lewis,” he said, holding his hand out. I shook his hand and turned my attention to the person standing to his side. “This is my brother, Theo.” I shook his hand too. “Let’s get started then. I don’t want to waste any more time.”
I had no idea where we were focusing our search, but it didn’t particularly matter. I just wanted to know what was going on and for people to see me helping find Lily. Lewis and his brother walked out of the town hall and across the road. The park was almost directly opposite.
We walked along the side of the park toward the fields at the back. There were four other people with us, all with maps and pointing at nothing in particular—it all looked very messy and random. As I walked past the park, I recalled when I first laid eyes on Lily. She was so beautiful, natural, and innocent, and her voice sang to me. As with all my girls, I knew instantly that she was part of my family. I knew she would fit in, and I was right.
“So is this your first time volunteering?” Lewis asked as he pulled back a branch to get a closer look at the bottom of the bramble bush at the entrance of the field.
“Yes, it is. When I heard the police search was slowing I thought I’d give my time.” He pursed his lips. “You’re angry about that. I can’t blame you.”
“It’s all because of money,” he spat. “My girlfriend is out there somewhere and they’re worried about how much it costs to fund the search. It’s disgusting.” There are many things the police force didn’t do. The people volunteering to search were the same as me, taking something into their own hands to make a positive change.