I wanted to puke at their sweet little exchange. I stabbed the plastic fork in a raspberry and took a deep breath. What would it take for me to be able to act properly around him? I always felt as if I wasn’t hiding how much I hated him very well at all. I looked around the room, anywhere but at him. My eyes landed on the calendar—it was Lewis’s birthday in one week. Would we spend that apart?
He wanted to go to the horse races for his birthday. We went with our families before we even got together and both loved it. He always said he wanted to go again so we had planned to go for his nineteenth. I hoped he would still go, even if I wasn’t there. He wouldn’t, of course, but I wanted him to have fun on his birthday.
“I was thinking of having a movie night soon,” he said between mouthfuls of food. I almost fell off my chair. Movie nights were what normal people do, not him. “I’ve not spent much time with you recently, and I feel guilty.” Don’t worry about it, I wanted to say but bit my tongue.
“Sounds nice,” Poppy replied cautiously, biting her lip.
He smiled for a second and then his face dropped to his new nervous, edgy expression. “Good. That’s good.”
Was it? I popped another raspberry in my mouth and chewed, staring at my plate. Rose and Poppy ate quietly as well, watching him too often. Usually there would be some conversation, but that was becoming rare. It was like they didn’t know what to say to him now, or they didn’t know how he would react to the things they would usually say.
Clover chewed his food for too long, his eyes darting around the room occasionally. He put his fork down, scratched his jaw, and then picked it up again. Rose watched him out of the corner of her eye, her head slightly down.
I bit my lip. My heart fluttered with unease. I kept myself small, eating what I could silently. I felt like we were all waiting for a volcano to erupt.
“Nice,” he muttered under his breath and shoved a forkful of beans and sausage into his mouth. No one responded, because he hadn’t said it to us. I wasn’t even sure it was about the food. I was anxious to get back to Violet and away from him.
“Well, thank you for breakfast,” he said and abruptly stood up. “I’ll see you for dinner. Have a good day.”
Rose and Poppy busied themselves saying good-bye and getting up to clean. They were jumpy and moved too fast, as if they wanted everything to be clean doubly quick in case…what?
Deciding to skip the cleanup and not wanting to drive myself crazy worrying and overthinking why they were so on edge, I went straight into the bedroom and sat on Violet’s bed.
“Hi,” she whispered, her eyes flicking open.
“Hi. You okay?” She nodded, although she clearly wasn’t okay. She looked pale and her hair was messy and greasy. “Want a shower?”
She frowned for a second. I could tell she was desperate for one. “You mind helping me?”
I rolled my eyes. “You know I don’t.” Standing up, I held my hands out for her and helped her out of bed. She tried to hide her pain, but her eyes scrunched up. “We’re reading today apparently.”
“Fabulous,” she replied, making me laugh. If it weren’t for Violet, I didn’t know what I would be like. She kept me sane—well, as sane as you could be down here. She understood how suffocating it was because she was just as eager to get out as I was.
“There you go,” I said as I pushed the bathroom door open. “I’ll just get you some oh-so-glamorous clothes and a towel.”
Violet grinned and switched the shower on. “Thanks.”
I gave her a fresh towel and the clothes that matched ours and went back into the bedroom. One week until Lewis turned nineteen. His last birthday being a teenager. It was something I desperately wanted to celebrate with him. How many other birthdays would I miss? Taking a deep breath, I flattened my already perfect hair and prepared for another boring day. Everything will be okay.
Wednesday, February 11th (2009)
Theo answered the door. “Where is he?” I asked.
He smirked. “It’s ten in the morning, so Lewis will still be in bed.”
I scowled. “But it’s his birthday,” I said, tugging on the Happy Birthday balloon. I loved birthdays, anyone’s birthday.
Theo shrugged. “What can I say, my brother’s a lazy arse.”
“Well, I’m making him get up.” I strode in past Theo and stomped up the stairs. Who the heck slept in on special occasions? I pushed open his bedroom door and grinned at him sleeping with one arm thrown over his face. “Happy birthday!” I shouted and launched myself on his bed.
He gasped and jumped awake, looking around disorientedly. I giggled. He looked so funny when he was woken up. “What the…?” He groaned. “Sum, what’re you doing?”
I thrust the balloon string at him. “Happy birthday.” Flopping back on the bed, he groaned again. “Oh, no, you don’t. Get up! Come on, it’s your seventeenth! You can legally drive now. Well, after you pass your test, but you can learn.” I shook my head. “Anyway, what do you want to do to celebrate?”
“Sleep,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by the pillows.
“Wow, you are not a morning person.” I sighed and climbed on his lap. His eyes shot open. Well, that got his attention