“I thought you’d like that.”
“No.” She shook her head but didn’t say anything more.
“Okay, well, thanks for the apology.” I got up and started packing again.
She stood there for a moment, then slowly walked over and sat on my bed, her body tense, like she was waiting for me to kick her out. Annoyed about how she kept stonewalling me whenever I asked about what was happening in her life, I was tempted. But I also wanted to see if she revealed anything else on her own.
“Are you working tonight?” she said.
“No, I’m going to the lake with Ryan.” I wondered why she was asking, suspicious that she was going to tell Shauna or something.
“Can I come with you? It’s just if you’re leaving soon we might not be able to do stuff like this anymore.”
I turned around. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Now you want to be friends? I don’t think so.”
“Toni…” Her voice was raw and thick. “I know I messed up. Those girls, they’re so popular. They made me feel like I was cool too, like I was above everyone else, which is wrong. I know I hurt you, I hurt a lot of people.” She stood up and started walking to the door. “I understand if you hate me.”
I stared at her back, thinking. She’d talked about her friendship with the girls in the past tense, and maybe she was seeing things differently now that she hadn’t been hanging around with them so much, but I had my doubts. I remembered that expression: Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Something was up with her, and I wanted to know what.
“I guess you can come out—if Ryan’s okay with it.”
She turned around, her face hopeful and almost relieved. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” But as the word left my mouth, I wondered if I’d just made a big mistake.
*
We drove down to the lake that night, Ryan’s hand on the wheel of his pickup truck, his other on my bare leg, my arm bumping up against his tanned one, and Nicole sitting on my right side. Her hair tickled my face as it blew back from the open window, the summer air still hot and smelling of pine. We were both wearing cutoffs and tank tops, the faint scent of coconut suntan lotion lingering on our sticky skin. Nicole stared at the dark road ahead, her face serious. I still couldn’t understand why she wanted to come out with us and didn’t trust her. Ryan and I would rather have been alone, but we figured there’d be some other people she knew at the lake and she could hang out with them for a while.
Ryan was smoking a cigarette, an open bottle of beer between his legs. We weren’t worried about the cops, not on the back road leading out to the lake in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes they’d block the main road, but once you were past a certain point, you were good to go. When we reached the lake, Ryan turned down the music and drove slow, checking who else was out there. It was after ten o’clock by then, and there were only a couple of trucks at the south end of the lake, a fire blazing and some kids from high school with their music blasting. We gave them the nod and they raised their beers in a greeting. I was disappointed that there weren’t any kids Nicole knew—we’d be stuck with her all night now. Ryan gunned the truck, making it go sideways on the rough road. I laughed, but Nicole was still quiet. I elbowed her in the ribs. “Jesus Christ, lighten up.” She attempted a smile, but it was fake. I wished I hadn’t let her come.
We found a spot at the north end of the lake and sat for a moment, listening to music, Ryan’s headlights shining out on the dark water. He rolled a joint, took a long inhale, and passed it to me. I took a drag, coughed a couple of times, then offered it to Nicole. She shook her head.
I narrowed my eyes. “Why did you even come out with us?”
“I told you. I wanted to spend some time with you before you moved, and I needed to get out of the house.” Nicole’s eyes flicked to mine, then around the dark woods, her body tense. I remembered how she was acting the night of the prom, like she knew Shauna was up to something.
“Is Shauna going to jump me tonight?” I said. “Did you set me up?”
She looked startled. “No—of course not! The woods are just freaky.” She’d always been creeped out by the woods at night. Hated camping when we were kids. I relaxed a bit, handed her one of the beers I had at my feet. She opened it, took a small sip, looked around at the woods again.
I glanced at Ryan and he motioned to the door with his head. I knew what he was thinking—we hadn’t been alone for days.
“Ryan and I are going for a walk,” I said.
“You’re leaving me here?” Her voice was shocked, her brown eyes big. “I thought we were hanging out together.”
“We will—in a little bit.”