*
A week later I was starting to get over my encounter with Cathy and the painful memories it stirred up, but I was having second thoughts about moving back to Campbell River now that I knew Shauna was still there. In the end I decided to stick with my game plan and focus on the future, which was almost in my grasp.
Then Helen came to find me.
I was eating cereal in the kitchen one morning when she plopped her heavy body on the seat across from me, the chair creaking under her weight as she leaned forward. “You been talking to Harley about me?”
I looked up, confused—and noticed Joanne hanging out in the hallway, like she was keeping a lookout. This wasn’t good.
I finished my mouthful of cereal. “Now, why would I do that?”
“Someone told him I’ve been dealing drugs—they searched my room.”
And she thought it was me because of my threat. They obviously hadn’t found anything or she’d have been sent back to Rockland. But she was still pissed. I glanced around the room and noticed one of the other parolees sneaking out of the kitchen. She met my eyes, looked away. Her name was Dawn and she also walked through the park on her way home from work. Did she rat Helen out?
“I haven’t told anyone anything,” I said, “because I don’t know anything. I just served years for a murder beef. You think I’m stupid enough to cause a problem over you when I’m this close to my parole?”
I brought up the murder because I wanted to remind Helen I was someone she should be scared of, but she didn’t look the least bit intimidated.
“I warned you not to screw with me, Murphy.”
She got up and walked out.
*
Later, I searched my room—if the staff hadn’t found anything in Helen’s room, she had to have stashed it somewhere else. I’d have to check every day. I did a cursory inspection of Joanne’s side, not wanting to move her shit around too much. I didn’t see any drugs, but they had to be somewhere. When Joanne came back from her job I ignored her as I got ready for bed. I hadn’t had a problem with her hanging out with Helen before, but as far as I was concerned she’d crossed a line. Joanne was ignoring me too, which was just fine by me. I wanted to kick her ass but I had too much to lose—my hearing was in a month.
It stayed like that for the next week: Joanne and I ignoring each other, Helen watching me. There was a coffee shop I liked to visit, just to sit or read, but now I’d see Helen and Joanne there in my usual spot, so I’d have to get my coffee to go. I was barely eating and exhausted from waking up and glancing over at Joanne if she so much as turned over, waiting for her to attack me. I thought about Shauna and the girls, remembering the constant feeling that something bad was going to happen. I tried to tell myself that shit was different now, I was an adult, but I felt just as helpless and full of rage as I had in high school.
Helen started bumping into me in the halls, a push here, a little shove there. Some of the other girls I’d gotten friendly with started ignoring me. No one wanted to get involved. I couldn’t go to any of the staff because essentially nothing had happened yet—and even if it had, I couldn’t say anything, not without risking my parole. All Helen had to do was plant something in my room again and I’d be screwed. I had to hang tight, but it was getting harder and harder not to fight back. It wouldn’t take long before she upped the ante, before the pushes and shoves wouldn’t be enough for her. I didn’t want to point the finger at Dawn because she had kids, but it wouldn’t matter anyway. The only thing that would make a bully like Helen feel better was to seriously hurt me. She was going to try something, I just didn’t know when.