Five hours later I lay in bed in my hotel room, the night before the wedding, and my mind wanders. Tomorrow is the day. I’m going to see him. Thank god Bridget and I have a room each or else she would be onto me. I have been tossing and turning for two hours now. I am punching the pillow and changing positions, trying to get comfortable. Trying to calm myself into a slumber. How am I supposed to look tempting with no sleep?
The movie screen plays a particularly painful memory, one that I hate and desperately wish to remove from the memory bank. It has the same effect every time, bringing me to my knees. Reactivating my guilt that usually ends up with me on my knees in the bottom of the shower, throwing up and in tears.
Two weeks after Josh and my beautiful lovemaking holiday I was missing him like crazy, crying by night, depressed by day. I lost five kilograms in two weeks and had bags under my eyes. I didn’t leave my room except to go to school. This pain was self–inflicted. Both Josh and I knew he was going to America for four years shortly after our holiday. We knew we had no future together. That didn’t make it any easier, and we had had no contact. My tender teenage heart was utterly devastated.
I came home from school one afternoon to find the house in uproar. It was one of the few times I heard my father swear. As I opened the door my father yelled at my mother.
“What the fuck does that boy think he’s doing?” I stopped mid step as I was slowly heading down the hall. I heard my mother talking way too fast while pacing. I slowly walked into the kitchen and looked at the two of them, raising my eyebrows.
“What’s going on?” I whispered to my mum.
Dad was on the phone. “Good god, he’s gone fucking mad,” he yelled.
I frowned. “Who?” I mouthed at Mum.
“Joshua,” she replied.
Oh shit, this can’t be good, what happened? Do they know? Am I next? I quietly made myself a cup of tea as I listened to the conversation.
“He said what! And then what did you say?” he listened. “And did you tell him that’s ridiculous? Surely he can’t be serious?”
“What?” I mouthed to Mum again.
“Joshua seems to think he’s fallen in love with a girl from Sydney and he’s not going to America.” My eyes widened. Holy shit. “How do you know this?”
“I’ve been on the phone to Margaret all day on and off. He seems to think he’s transferring to Sydney Uni, apparently to be near this girl.” My father hangs up the phone. My eyes are the size of saucers.
“Who is she?” I whispered.
“Some fucking idiot, no doubt,” my father snapped. Shit, he’s really mad. “He’s known her for two frigging weeks, and he’s throwing away an internship at Apple. This is the opportunity of a lifetime, he will never get this chance again.” I sipped my tea in silence while my parents continued their outrage.
I asked my mum, “Why is America so important?” I was genuinely interested.
“Josh developed an app as a hobby; it was a carb counter for diabetics.”
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“It has ended up being used all over the world. It had to be tweaked a bit but doctors and hospitals are using it to educate diabetics.”
“What’s an app?” I asked.
“It’s the way computers are heading, something to do with Apple computers, new technology stuff.”
“Oh,” I murmured. “I had no idea.”
“No, and Joshua doesn’t get it. He gave this technology away but if it were designed on the market it would be worth millions.”
My mouth dropped open. “Millions,” I repeated.
“Yes,” said my mother. “Steve Jobs, the founder of this organisation, has personally invited Joshua to come and work with him.”
“Who’s Steve Jobs?” I asked.
“He owns Apple, he’s one of the smartest, richest men in the world.”
“And he wants to work with Josh,” I replied. Suddenly, the very serious ramifications if he didn’t go became all too obvious. My dad nodded and I raised my eyebrows. “Shit,” I whispered.
“Exactly,” my father nodded. “Joshua is going to throw his whole future away for a girl he hardly knows and in twelve months down the track will leave anyway.”
“You don’t know that,” I snapped.