“He’s right,” she sighs.
“I don’t believe that,” I assert. “You may be unresponsive to him at the moment, but it’s not physical, it’s totally emotional. Bethany, I treat both men and woman who suffer from Anorgasmia and they are in loving relationships with a person they can trust.” She nods as she listens. “Have you thought about what we talked about last visit?”
“Yes,” she says. “It’s not going to be possible.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because he doesn’t know I haven’t orgasmed in three years.”
I cross my arms. “What do you mean?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
“I’ve been faking it all along.”
I nod. This is common. “Do you think you should come clean?” I give her a small empathetic smile.
“No, he would be devastated.”
I nod, “So it’s ok if you’re devastated, just not him.”
“I know how this looks,” she whispers.
“How does this look Beth?” I urge.
“That I am a martyr.”
I smile. “Is that what you think?” I ask her softly.
“Do you?” she asks.
“No, I don’t think you’re a martyr. Would it matter to you if I did?”
She nods her head.
“It shouldn’t matter what anyone thinks Beth, only you.”
“I care what you think,” she smiles. “You’re the only person who knows about this.”
I frown. “You haven’t confided in a friend?” I ask, a little shocked.
“No. I don’t want my friends to judge Anthony, or me for staying with him.”
“I see,” I answer. “Beth, do you think that the friends you keep are really on your side?”
She looks at me as she processes what I have just asked her and then she shrugs. We both sit in silence as I wait for her to speak, but she doesn’t.
Mmm, we will come back to this. “Did you speak to Anthony about foreplay?” She shakes her head. “Mmm ok, so can I guess you didn’t do as I suggested and ask him to try Viagra?”
“I just can’t.” She looks so vulnerable my heart goes out to her. “I don’t want him to think that I think he’s not good enough for me in bed.”
“But it’s ok if he makes you feel lacking,” I sigh. She nods. “Bethany, I don’t know a woman alive that can come in seven minutes of penetrative sex with no foreplay.” She nods. “You know Beth and this is off the record but I take at least twenty minutes to get in the frame of mind and then another twenty minutes, at least, of foreplay before I even want to think about sex. He needs to know that it’s not happening. Maybe he would try harder if he knew.”
She nods. “Maybe.”
“Isn’t that your grudge with him?” She frowns. “That he was dishonest?” She nods and hangs her head, knowing what I am going to say next. “Are you being totally honest with him Beth?”
”No,” she answers. I stay silent, waiting for her to process the information. “Last time I saw you we talked about trust.”
“Yes,” she smiles.
“How are the trust levels at home?”
“I try, I really do, but I just can’t seem to get there.”
“Beth, trust is not something that happens. It is a decision you make. You either decide you will trust him from now on, or you move on. Do you have trust that you will be ok if he leaves you?” She shakes her head. “I see, but if you move on with him and you haven’t made that decision to trust—to trust him and to trust yourself to be strong—you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery.”
“I know,” she whispers. “It’s not completely his fault. I was so engrossed with the kids. I was just so preoccupied that I didn’t realize that he needed more sex and I let myself go and I didn’t even try to be sexy for him.”
“Beth. Don’t you dare sit there and defend him to me. For the record you were busy with his kids. His children, not someone else’s. And you let yourself go. How ridiculous. I sit here and I see a beautiful, smart English girl who has left her family and her country to move to the other side of the world for a man who has taken her for granted.”
“He would never have cheated if I was, I don’t know, more attractive.”
I sigh. “Beth what do you see when you look at me?”
“What do you mean?” she asks. I stand up and walk around in front of her and do a twirl.
“Now, when you look at me what do you see?”
She smiles, “A really pretty smart girl.”
I laugh, “That’s funny Beth, do you know that in my past I have had not one but two.” I hold my fingers up to accentuate the point. “Two boyfriends play up on me.” Her mouth drops open.