“Thanks” he says sarcastically. I'm confused, why the sarcasm? “That makes me feel wanted” he continues, “if you wasn’t in this mess, then you wouldn't be here with me now”
“Oh yeah, sorry, I didn't mean it like that” I lock eyes with him and we instantly both start to laugh. We talk shit and laugh and drink beer and talk more shit and Gabe laughs while I giggle snort, which makes him laugh some more. We are lying on our backs in the middle of his family room and find something amusing in every topic from childbirth and football to pap smears. I feel…Free, content and without pain. And at three in the morning, we are starving and Gabe makes us pancakes.
~
I awake the next day and again take a while to get my bearings. My head is on Gabe’s stomach, my arm slung across his hips. He's wearing just his jocks and my eyes wander across his Abs and that V that runs down the front of his hips. His arm is around me and I'm hot and a little bit uncomfortable but I don't want to wake him. I turn my head slightly and kiss his belly and as I do he sighs and ever so slightly tilts his hips up towards me. He has a sheet lying over one leg but the other is bent out to the side and I can clearly see the bulge at his crotch. God I really want to lean across and reach inside his pants. I want to climb over and get on top. I want to lower myself down on to him until I can feel him inside of me, filling me and then I want to ride him into next week. So what's stopping me? I'm now a free woman, I’m definitely old and wise enough to know what I'm doing, so really, what’s stopping me? I can do what I like, so, why can't I just go for it? Especially as I want it so badly. Confidence is the key and that is most definitely something I am severely lacking. Gabe shifts and puts his own hand in his shorts and adjusts himself and thoughts of my dream pop into my head and for some reason I get an uncontrollable fit of the giggles. I manage to keep quiet but can't stop my shoulders shaking up and down and I even have tears rolling down my cheeks and begin to feel slightly out of control.
“Something funny down there?” Gabe asks and I can't control my laughter any longer. It's painful physically but cathartic mentally. I lay back against the pillow, cross my arms over my face and laugh some more, out of nowhere though, my laughter turns to tears and great, heaving, wracking sobs escape from me. Gabe pulls me into him as gently as possible and just holds me while I cry. I'm not sure if the drugs from the night before have anything to do with it but I just feel extremely sad today.
CHAPTER SEVEN