Screw everything.
I just wanted to sleep all day. I wanted, needed to forget. I needed to get so drunk I couldn’t even remember my own name. Grabbing my phone, I texted my friend, Adam.
‘What’s happening tonight? Kai’s?’ I put.
His reply came minutes later, ‘Yeah. Pick you up at 7?’
‘K, thanks.’
Okay, eight o’clock was eleven hours away. I needed to kill nine hours until I could start getting ready. What the hell am I going to do for the next nine hours? Keeping busy was the key.
“Tegan, do you want to look through some photos with us?” Mum called, her voice echoing upstairs.
“No,” I yelled back. Why would they want a reminder that we could only see him in a fucking picture anyway? I wanted no part in any of their reminiscing. He was gone and we were still here. That’s just how it was.
Groaning, I flopped back on my bed as I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Here we go. Mum stopped at the threshold of my room. “Honey? Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I snapped. Stop pushing and just leave me alone!
She nodded, her face plagued with pure sadness. I looked away. “Okay. Do you have any plans today?”
“Going out.”
“Where?”
“Sophie’s. Adam’s picking me up.” She probably didn’t believe me but it wasn’t like she was going to stop me. “Did you want anything else?”
“No,” she replied quietly. I kept my eyes firmly on an old magazine on my desk, refusing to look at her. Why did he have to leave and break her heart? As soon as she turned away and left I breathed a sigh of relief and closed my eyes.
Chapter Five
Kai
My mind was stuck on a certain blonde that I had pretty serious mixed feelings for. On the one hand I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could – exclusively – but on the other I knew she was nowhere near ready for anything like that, and I had only just got through my own shit.
“Kai,” Dad said, letting himself into my office and closing the door behind him. “Can we have a chat?”
I scratched my forehead. “What’ve I done?”
He sat down, which didn’t look good for me.
“There’s nothing wrong at work.”
Yeah, I worked for my dad but then when you ditch school from the age of fifteen to drink, smoke and break the law it didn’t leave you with many options.
“Then what’s this about?”
“We’ve not heard from you for a few days, your mum’s worried and Eloise said she’s tried calling a few times.”
“Not been in the mood for an Elle lecture.” My eldest sister was little Miss Perfect, and although she never looked down on me or anyone I couldn’t help feeling that little bit more of a failure around her. She was the type of person that gave great advice and took it herself. Out of the four of us she was the most ‘together’ and when we dropped to being three of us six years ago she stepped up big time. She was able to help Carly but I was a beyond anything. Didn’t help that I was high a lot of the time.
“She’s not going to give you a lecture, she just wants to know how you are.”
“I’m fine, Dad, you know that.” I’d been fine for a year, but do you think they’d let it go. If I missed a call or didn’t go over for a couple days it was always because I was back in my pot smoking, pill taking, bike riding hole.
“I do know, but we’ll never stop worrying.”
I ran my hand over my face, clenching my jaw. Would I always be the messed up one even after I’d gotten my shit together? I didn’t want them to worry unnecessarily. It’d been a year since I’d come out of the other end of the tunnel but apparently that was not long enough for them to trust I’d accepted that Isaac’s death was out of my hands. His words still haunted me but I knew he wouldn’t blame me for not being able to save him. I wasn’t a match – none of us were – and there wasn’t a single thing I could ever do to change that.
“Try.”
He laughed. “We’ll try. What’re you doing after work?”
“Taking Tegan out on the bike.”
“Hmm.”
The fuck did that mean?
“What?” I asked, glaring.
“Her name keeps coming up, has been for a little while now.”
“And?”
“And nothing.”
“Bullshit. Spit it out, Dad.”
“I was just wondering what was going on there.” Or Mum, Elle and Carly were wondering and nominated Dad to find out.
“We’re friends. There’s nothing to tell, so you can report that back to the three witches and tell them to keep their nose out.”
Chuckling, he stood up. “Will do. If you need anything…”
Nodding robotically, I replied, “Thanks.”
Dad left and I looked at the time on my laptop. I needed to get out on my bike and blow off some steam with Tegan. I wanted to go now. I had another two hours.
***