I felt slightly better that I was doing something, getting out of the house, tonight. I felt like I’d been run over. I was emotionally drained and needed to not think. Vodka would also help.
But how did I tell Lucas? He wouldn’t be happy about it. Not that he had a right to tell me what to do and I didn’t have to feel like I should obey him, but I didn’t want to piss him off or make him feel insecure.
“Morning, honey,” Mum said and sat beside me.
I tried so hard to smile but I just didn’t have the energy. “Morning.”
“How’re you feeling today?”
“I’m alright.”
Lie, lie, lie.
“Do you want a coffee? I know I could do with one.”
“Please, Mum.”
It was another hour before anyone else got up and Mum started making bacon sandwiches for breakfast. Me and Lucas spent the rest of the time in my room, not fooling around, until he had to leave.
“What are you doing on Saturday?” he asked as he finished packing his bag.
“Nothing. Why?”
“I’m racing again. You want to come watch?”
I smiled half-heartedly. “Yeah, I’ll come, but I can’t guarantee I’ll be watching.”
He chuckled and winked. “I’m not going to get hurt.”
“You better not. I kinda like you.”
“You only kinda like me?”
“Yes, only a bit.”
“Thanks,” he replied sarcastically. I giggled, fell forwards into his arms and kissed him. He slipped his tongue in my mouth, making my body heat up. I was so ready for a repeat of yesterday.
His head wasn’t in the gutter with mine as he pulled back and picked up his bag. “I’m gonna miss you, babe.”
“Me, too,” I replied. I followed behind, feeling deflated that he was leaving. At least I had tonight to look forward to.
Jake bundled their bags into the boot and Grace helped her dad into the car, even though he was fully capable of doing it himself. I got that they needed to make sure he was okay, though.
I flopped my head forwards on Lucas’s chest and he kissed my hair. “I’ll be back Friday night to take you out and I’ll see you again on Saturday,” he said.
“Where are we going on Friday?”
“Don’t start that again.”
I pouted.
“Hey, I…” Taking a deep breath, he said, “I know this has all been fast and we’re probably one of the most unlikely couples but… I… I love you, Tegan.”
I blinked in surprise. He what? My first thought was why? What was there about me that he could possibly love? I didn’t want to love again but there was something about him, something that made me feel like I was worth something. But it also made me question his sanity at the same time.
If Lucas could love me then surely I wasn’t that evil, or there was something redeemable in me. He made my heart ache in a good way for the first time since my dad died. If he was willing to put everything into us then so was I. “I love you, too.”
Grinning from ear to ear he kissed me.
“God, I am so glad you said it back. That was pretty terrifying.”
“Of course I did,” I replied.
“Lucas, come on,” Jake yelled from Luke’s car. Sighing, he gave me another kiss and walked away mouthing I love you.
“You okay, Tegan?” Ava asked as she slung her arm over my shoulder as they drove off out of sight.
“Yeah, I’m good.” At least I think I was. That moment with Lucas was so surreal and I wasn’t completely sure I believed him. “I need to get ready for tonight.”
Mum and Ava looked at each other worriedly, then turned back to me. “You’re going out tonight?” Mum asked quietly.
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, but don’t worry, it’s not like before. I just want to have fun with my friends. The past couple days have been kinda hard,” I replied while looking at the floor, willing myself to keep it together. I was tired of crying so much and I’d only done it for a day.
“Okay,” she replied. There was not one part of her that was okay with it but she still didn’t say a word.
At half six, Sophie came over so we could do our make-up together and have some pre-party drinks. She frowned into the mirror, her auburn eyebrows knitting together. “It’s too revealing, isn’t it?” she asked, turning her body from side to side and staring at her chest.
“No, Soph, you look good.” There was definite cleavage but it didn’t look bad.
She turned around and wolf whistled. “Very hot, Tegan! You on the pull tonight?”
I slapped her arm. “No, I have a boyfriend, remember?”
“He doesn’t have to know.”
“Stop being a ho, I’m not going to cheat on him.”