I hated being such a bitch to him and seeing the hurt in his eyes. I felt awful for saying those things, but he just wouldn’t stop talking. I should have told him I wanted to be with him, too, because I did. Or I think I did. How bad could it be really?
I know he would be there for me, but the thought of having to go through what Mum and Ava were going through, all that crying and the pain, scared the hell out of me. I wasn’t going to willingly put myself through all that.
If being a bitch meant not feeling the pain I felt the day he died then it was worth it, no question. If people got hurt or pissed off in the crossfire then so be it.
I walked down the corridor and stood outside the study door for ages, debating whether I should go in. He probably wouldn’t even want to see me after what I said to him. Why would he? I reached for the door handle but something stopped me. What if he tried talking about my dad again? Lucas was dangerous, always on the edge of asking questions.
Turning swiftly, I ran downstairs and straight out the door. My breathing came out in heavy pants and I blinked back tears. Don’t cry. Push it away. There was one person that could make all the confusion go away. I dialled his number.
“Kai, can you pick me up, please?” I asked the second he answered.
“Huh? It’s four in the morning, is everything okay?”
No.
“Fine, I just need you to get me. Can you come?”
“Yeah, of course. I’m just leaving James’ now, you missed a good night. I’m on my way.”
It didn’t take Kai long to find me at all.
“Hey,” he said as he stopped in front of me and wound the window down.
I took a deep breath and opened the door, forcing a smiled onto my face. “Hey, Kai.”
“Where do you wanna go?”
I shrugged. “Yours.”
He nodded and drove off. The questions never came. He didn’t ask why I was running away. I loved that he never asked the difficult questions, almost as if he knew why. Everyone else tried to get me to open up, Kai respected that I couldn’t. Shit, he knew. I liked him even more. He knew – of course he did – but he never mentioned it.
“So… you’re not eighteen,” he said.
“Nope. And you’re not nineteen.”
“Nope.”
“Does it bother you?”
He shook his head. “Has your weekend sucked then?” he asked. Well, that was that done.
Majorly. “It was alright. I’m so not ready to be home now, though.” Well, that wasn’t exactly true. I was never ready to be at home. Not now. Sinking back into the seat I allowed everything to fall away. There was no other shit going on, there was just me and Kai.
He really was pretty fucking gorgeous and I watched his tattoo covered arms move and flex as he drove the car. The smell of his aftershave filled my lungs, making me relax further. I was back to being whatever version of me I was now, the one that could just be without having to constantly bat conversation away from heading towards the accident. I smiled and put my hand on the top of Kai’s thigh.
***
I sat on Kai’s bed drinking directly from a bottle of white wine. It was disgusting and had been open for a while – apparently it was what his sister bought when his family visited him. He didn’t say how long ago that’d been but from the vinegary taste I could tell it’d been a bloody long time. Didn’t stop me, though.
Kai was so easy to be around. Our friendship, although not based on anything particularly deep, was as real as any other I had right now. I could be myself around him and let my guard down a bit more than I could with anyone else. I knew he wasn’t going to try and sneak a hard question in there at any moment. I needed his friendship so much.
“That is disgusting.” He grimaced as he swallowed the wine and handed me the bottle back. “I don’t know why I bothered trying it. I’m not drinking any more of that shit.”
I laughed and shook my head. It was pretty gross but it wasn’t about taste or enjoying a drink, I just wanted to be at that stage where I was as close to carefree as possible.
“It is gross,” I agreed. Kai took the bottle off me and put it on the bedside table. “Hey.” I narrowed my eyes playfully.
“You don’t even like it.”
“So?”
He grinned and pushed me backwards on the bed. I looked up at him as he hovered over me. His dark eyes alight with mischief and lust. “I can think of a few other ways to pass the time...”
I smirked and ran my hands under his t-shirt and across his soft yet hard and defined chest. My fingers glided along the bumpy contours and I bit my lip.
“Hmm, a few other ways?”
He nodded and very slowly lowered his face. His lips parted about an inch away from mine. What was taking him so long? I raised my head but he moved back. “Kai,” I warned. His weight pressed me into the bed in the most perfect way and the hunger in his eyes drove me wild. There was no time for playing games.
“You want me to kiss you?”
I shot him a dark look. “What do you think?”
With a breathtaking smile that made his dark eyes light up, he kissed me hard.
Chapter Twenty
Kai
Tegan pulled away when my hand touched her thigh. She lowered her head and looked away.