The three of us laugh.
“Right, what I would like to do is take a look and just check that your coil is all in place, I will do a PAP Smear, I know you’ve already had one this year but I would rather be safe than sorry and I would also like to get some bloods done, just to have a check on your hormone levels. Now I need your underwear off and for you to jump up on the table. She looks from me to Gabe as she says this.
He looks at me, asking. “Do you want me to wait outside?”
I frown and shake my head, “Hell no…You get the job of staying here and holding my hand.”
I actually don’t feel in the least embarrassed now, I take off my knickers and Gabe helps me up onto the bed. I assume the ankles together, knees apart position as Rachel lubes up a speculum, I look away at this point and lose myself in Gabe’s eyes instead, oh shit, what if I look at him and get horny and she’s down there, poking about, will she know? I take a few deep breaths. I have no choice but to look back at him as I feel the cold device slide in and in.
“Oww, shit!”
Rachel stops what she’s doing and looks up at me from between my legs.
“Does that hurt? That shouldn’t hurt.”
I watch Gabe swallow and frown. She moves the speculum back out of me slightly.
“Lauren, I need you to take a deep breathe then let it out slowly while I put this in and take a look, I will be as gentle as I can. Okay, deep breathe in.”
I feel the speculum slide in again and start letting out my breath slowly as the pain starts. I can’t see what she’s doing but it seems to take forever.
“What do you fancy for dinner tonight?”
I laugh, I know Gabe’s only trying to take my mind off what’s going on between my legs but surely he could have come up with something better than that.
“Really babe?” Is all I can manage, before Rachel stands up straight.
“Your coil has become displaced Lauren, that’s what the pain is, and it’s probably what has caused the bleeding too.”
Gabe lets out a huge sigh as he says, “Thank fuck…I mean God, God, I mean thank God, shit.”
He doesn’t know where to put his face and looks mortified, he shrugs his shoulders. “Sorry”
I laugh at him again and just shake my head.
“Well it’s good, in that it probably rules out anything sinister, but before I attempt to remove it, I need to ask, have you been having unprotected sex these past eight week?”
Oh shit.
“Yes” I reply.
“Well in that case, before I do anything else, I need you to take a pregnancy test.”
She pulls the speculum out and stands up straight again. Gabe helps me to sit up and I swing my legs around and dangle them over the side of the bed. No way. Way. No fucking way!
“Do I really need to do this? I was in the hospital just last week, surely they would have picked up on a pregnancy in my blood tests?”
“No, not unless they tested you specifically for that reason. Did they?”
I shake my head.
“Then I need you to go and wee in this for me Lauren, just so we can rule out any chance of you being pregnant”
“But I can’t be pregnant I mean, I haven’t had a proper period in months, over a year, a couple of years and I’m too old, and I…”
She reaches out and puts her hand on my shoulder.
“It’s highly unlikely that you are pregnant Lauren but I need to rule it out before we decide what to do with this coil.”
She passes me a small pot as she talks, I look at Gabe, I have no idea what he’s thinking, his eyes are as wide as saucers. I want to cry but first I want to vomit but I need to breathe before I can do any of that.
“I can’t be pregnant” I whisper.
“Just take the test Lauren and stop panicking.”
Stop panicking he says, yeah, I’ll get right onto that. I take the pot from Rachel and go to walk out of the consulting room door when Gabe says, “Knickers Lauren.”
I turn around and see him holding up my cacks up by one finger and a lopsided grin on his face, I shrug.
“What’s the point, they’ve only gotta come off again” And continue making my way down to the toilets.
I turn the taps on at the sink and spend the next few minutes thinking all things cold and watery and eventually manage to fill the little brown pot almost to the top; I put the lid on tight, wash my hands and hold it up to the light, saying, “You had better be negative.” Before making my way back to Gabe and my doctor who seem to be deep in conversation when I enter the room but stop talking the instant they see me.