At 11:30am the following morning, I am sitting next to Gabe in my doctor’s waiting room and it feels – strange? This is part of my world, mine and my families and it just feels strange having Gabe here with me. My GP, Rachel, is great, she's a woman a bit older than me and has been my doc for about eighteen years, she has looked after myself and my children since I moved back to the peninsula from the city, around twenty years ago and I suddenly feel nervous about having Gabe here with me and explaining to her what has been going on in my life of late. Perhaps she already knows, I sit and think; her husband is Jason’s doctor after all, perhaps Jay has been to see him and has told him that we have separated, although I doubt it, seeing as Jay doesn’t yet seem to have accepted that our marriage is over, shit; I wonder how he’s going to react when he finds out that Gabe and I are engaged, I instinctively look down at my ring, perhaps I shouldn’t wear it yet, not until we make it official. I jump suddenly when Gabe leans across and holds down my knee, I look up at him.
“Will you chill Lauren, you’re giving me a headache, keep bouncing your knee up and down like that, relax, you’ll be fine.”
I look down at where his hand cups my knee cap and despite the pressure he’s putting on it and without even realising it, my foot goes onto tip toes and I start bouncing it again, Gabe holds it still, again.
“Sorry, I didn’t even realise I was doing it” I shake my head as I speak; the knee bouncing is a nervous trait of mine, it’s something I do on a plane during take-off and landing or if I am having a stressful conversation on the phone, I’m actually surprised there hasn’t been more knee bouncing these past couple of months, perhaps there has and Gabe just hasn’t noticed it.
“Why are you nervous is there something you’re not telling me, is the bleeding worse than you have let on?”
“What? No, I wasn’t even thinking about that.”
“Then what’s wrong baby, tell me?”
“Are you going to come in with me?”
“Do you want me to?”
Now he’s got me thinking, what if there is something seriously wrong, will she know that straight away today, or will she have to send me away for tests? I know I should have seen the doctor sooner, I know I shouldn’t have left it this long, especially as I feel so…off, but if there was anything seriously wrong, wouldn’t they have found it while I was in the hospital,? I had blood tests done, wouldn’t something have shown up in them? Do I want him in there with me when I explain that I have split with Jason and am now with Gabe and have been having so much sex that I might actually have done myself some damage? Is that actually even possible? Bloody hell, I need to calm down and stop over thinking but I can’t, can’t, can’t, can’t. What. Is. Wrong. With. Me?
He leans across, puts his hand around the back of my head, pulls me to him and kisses my forehead. “Calm down Lauren, we’ll do this like we have done everything else so far, together, okay?
I nod, feeling instantly calmer as I take a deep breath and then physically jump as I hear Dr Rachel call my name from the doorway and I stand far too quickly, leaning into Gabe as the room spins slightly, he puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into him as we follow the doctor to her room; my head is pounding with every step I take and my heart is thumping against my chest, I take deep breaths in through my nose; I have absolutely no idea why I am feeling so nervous.
We follow her in and she gestures to a couple of chairs as she goes and sits around the other side of her desk. Gabe guides me down into the chair, making sure I’ve sat right down before sitting himself down, he sits back and rests his right ankle on his left knee, he stretches his left arm across the back of my chair and his fingertips brush the back of my neck, underneath my hair, I feel instantly calmer as he nods towards me, I think asking me if I’m okay, I nod back. Look at him, Mr cool sitting there, cool? Does anyone even say that word anymore? My knee starts to bounce and Gabe gestures with his head at my bouncing knee. Dr Rachel is reading through my notes.
“So Lauren, not seen you in a while, what can I do for you?”
I feel my cheeks burn as I turn my head from Gabe to my knee, to her, my mouth feels dry and I wet my lips.
“Rachel, this is Gabriel Wilde. My, my fiancé. Erm, Jason and I split up, obviously; else I wouldn’t be here with Gabe.” What am I saying, Oh my god, how embarrassing, she’s my doctor, not a bloody marriage counsellor.
“What happened to your arm Lauren?”
“Aw, erm a Jet Ski accident, look, sorry Rachel, I’ll start again. I’ve been getting really bad stomach cramps lately and I’ve been spotting after sex and last week I had sort of a little mini period, just for about a day, while I was in the hospital.”
“Why were you in the hospital?
I proceed to tell her about the accident and my stay in the hospital.
“But the spotting had started before this?”
“Yeah, the spotting started about eight weeks ago, the cramps the same, I haven’t really had a period for years, not since I had the coil fitted, even when it was changed over, I didn’t have a period.”
She looks through my notes again.
“You had a new coil fitted in February and everything was fine after that you say and then eight weeks ago, you started spotting?”
“We started sleeping together, having sex, about nine weeks ago.”
I’m not sure if Gabe is talking to me or the doctor.
“Ahhh right; that might explain things, new relationship, lots of sex I’m assuming.”
She actually winks at me as she says it, I blush and shrug and Gabe and I both say at exactly the same time.
“Yeah…lots of sex.”