We tuck Ava up in bed as soon as we get home and Gabe pours himself a large bourbon as we stand out on the balcony and listen to the waves, “I couldn’t have done that without you Lauren, thank you, thank you for being there, thank you for loving me, just…thank you.”
I don’t have any words so I just wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze him tight. We barely say a word all evening and we go to bed early and once again, I hold him tight and stroke his hair as he cries for his Dad and probably his Mum and quite possibly the events of the past couple of weeks. I hold him until his sobbing stops and his breathing steadies and I know that he is sleeping, with his head on my chest, my arms holding him, with one arm and one leg of his over me, I finally drift off to sleep. I don’t know how long I have been sleeping when I am woken by the sensation of him sliding into me, we make love silently, he turns me into every position, I’m on my back, my front, my knees, until he cries again as his orgasm explodes, he hasn’t been at all gentle and at times, I found it painful but if it is what he needs, if I am what he needs right at this moment, to help him cope, to help him deal with his grief, then so be it.
CHAPTER 18
“Lauren, baby, wake up.”
I stretch and smile as I feel Gabe kissing my shoulder and running his palm over my hip, I’m lying half on my side, sort of in the recovery position and I love the way he strokes over the dip of my waist, it makes me feel feminine – womanly, but then his hand moves forward and I panic that he’s going to feel my belly. my waist is great when I lay on my side, my belly, not so and I certainly don’t want him grabbing a handful; I roll over onto my back and am met with his beautiful blue eyes looking down at me, he looks…worried??
“What’s wrong, where’s Ava, what’s wrong?”
“Ava’s fine; did I hurt you last night?”
“What? When?”
I sit up in total confusion and look at him, his hair is wet and he smells delicious, he must have showered already.
He strokes my face and kisses my forehead, “What’s wrong, what are you talking about?”
I try to sit up straighter so I’m level with him but it’s hard to do with just one good arm and I have to wriggle my bum back into the headboard. I have a bit of a headache and I most definitely have a belly ache.
“Last night, was I rough, did I hurt you?”
I hesitate for a second too long, he was rough and it did hurt a bit, but I still liked it, he needed me.
“For fucks sake Lauren, why didn’t you say something, why didn’t you just say something?”
He grips his own hair and then runs his hands through it, “I made you bleed, there’s blood on the sheets and there was blood on me, fuck Lauren, I fucking made you bleed.”
He pulls me to him and wraps his arms around my shoulders. Okay, now I’m awake.
“Gabe, it’s okay, it was fine, I am a bit sore. It was nice, I…You needed me, I wanted to be there for you, it’s…I’m fine.”
“Fucking you so hard that you bleed is not fine, it’s never fine Lauren.”
He’s just over reacting because he feels emotional, “I’ve been bleeding quite a lot after we have sex…lately.”
I trail off, I was telling him to make him feel better, so that he wouldn’t feel so bad but now shit, now the look on his face is even worse. He stands up. He sits down.
“What the fuck do you mean; you bleed a lot after we have sex? What the fuck Lauren, that’s not right, that’s not normal.”
“I don’t mean I bleed a lot, not like there’s a lot of blood, I mean, there are lots of times we have sex and I bleed, just a little bit, it’s not like real blood, it’s just sort of a bit pink, except when I was in the hospital, then it was a bit darker but only for about half a day, then I was fine.”
“Do I hurt you every time we…Does it hurt when we make love?”
Jesus, over reaction or what?
“No Gabe, never, it never hurts, you never hurt me; last night was a bit rougher than usual but you never hurt me, it’s just…we have a lot of sex and I get a bit sore sometimes, but you never hurt me.”
I smile at him, he looks at me and gives a shrug of his right shoulder and a tilt of his head and the tiniest of smiles and my heart melts and I want him, god I want him, “We do have a lot of sex don’t we? I am sorry, but you…I can’t help it. I’m hard Lauren, all the time, even when we’ve just finished, it’s like it doesn’t go down properly. I wasn’t this bad when I was thirteen and when I’m not with you it’s worse and it doesn’t matter where I am, at work, in the car, I, I just want you all the time and I am sorry if it’s too much.”