“Yeah, it’s actually not for me; it’s for my partner – Lauren Day.”
I shake my head at him as I mouth “East” to him, I haven’t been to my GP in months, I’m still registered under East. I hate the look that flicks across his eyes as he realises what I’m getting at.
“Sorry, my mistake, you would still have her registered under Lauren East and she usually sees Rachel. Yeah that’s correct, um, anytime, as soon as possible, tomorrow at 11.30? That’s perfect, yeah, okay, no worries, thank you Amanda, we’ll see you then.”
All the while he has been talking, he’s put in the plug and turned on the taps and poured in my favourite citrus body wash, “Don’t you ever do something like this again Lauren. You don’t feel well. You say something, you understand me?”
“I’m not a child Gabe, I know what I did was stupid, I know I shouldn’t have put it off and I know it’s probably nothing, blah, blah, blah.”
I step into the bath.
“I don’t need reminding, I’m wrong, I get it, stop going on at me would ya?”
“I go on, because I care Lauren…I…You have no idea, I just found you and twice now, twice in just two months. I, I’ve thought that I might be losing you.”
He’s taken off his clothes and has climbed in behind me whilst he’s been talking and I scoot forward to make room for him; he slides his legs down the outside of my hips and thighs and pulls me back against my chest, I raise my broken arm to keep the plaster from getting wet; he wraps both his arms across my chest and kisses my temple.
“Do you know how much I fucking love you Lauren Day?”
“Yes.”
“Then try to indulge me, within hours of meeting you someone tried to break you, I feel like, something, or someone somewhere, always wants to take you away from me, I know that sounds fucked up and paranoid but…”
“Yeah her names Alyssa, lanky, blonde whorebag and she wants to take you from me, not me from you.”
“Yeah. So not funny Lauren, I mean it, I know I’m paranoid and irrational but I just want you safe, okay?”
“Yes, okay, I’ve already said I get it. What time is it? Where’s Ava, didn’t you already shower?”
Shit, I don’t even know what the time is and she usually comes in for a cuddle in the mornings.
“No, I haven’t showered, I surfed earlier, while you were still sleeping. It’s about 9.30 and Ava was still sound asleep when I last checked. I have to drop her back at 2, what would you like to do this arvo?”
Our conversation has slipped back into ‘normal’ territory, me not feeling bad, him not moaning at me, for now. We have kept ourselves hidden away since I agreed to marry him; we swore Ava to secrecy as we felt it would be disrespectful to celebrate before Charlie had been buried and we have told no one; Ava has been beside herself, desperate for us to buy a ring and let the world know. I have a thought and turn around in a most unladylike manoeuvre…but the best I can manage with my bloody arm in a cast and face him.
“Well…We could make your daughters day by taking her with us while we go and look at engagement rings.”
Shit…What did I say wrong now? He looks like he’s going to burst into tears.
“Or we…”
“You would do that?”
“Do what?”
“Let Ava come with us, while we pick a ring?”
“Of course, why wouldn’t I…?”
“You don’t want it to be just you and me?”
Is this a trick question? Am I going to be wrong, whatever I say?
“Well, yeah, that would be equally nice, but, I just thought she’s had a shit time and I just thought it would be nice for her to be included, her Mums just had a new baby and what with the accident and losing her Pops, I just thought.”
I don’t get to finish what I’m saying, he covers my mouth with his and kisses the life out of me. I have to pull away to breathe.
“Fuck. Wow, Gabe, what?”
He kisses me again, not quite as passionately.
“I love you and that answer you just gave, is one of the many reasons why, thank you, thank you for loving my daughter, you do to her, what you do to me, you make both of us feel loved and wanted and cherished, nobody has made me feel like that since my Mum, I…”
His eyes fill with tears, as do mine, I can’t imagine growing up without that, my Mum might be a hard faced old cow now but her and my Dad never stopped telling me and my brothers and sister how loved and cherished we were and it’s something I had wanted my kids to feel, even now as old as they are and despite my differences with their Dad, I have explained so many times over the past weeks, that we both still love them and that will never change.
“Thanks Lauren, that’s all, thank you.”
The three of us are up, out and in the car less than an hour later.
“Where are we going? Chady?” Ava asks.