“I…Erm.” I don’t want him in the house while I’m there. I don’t trust him enough and plus it would just feel weird.
“It’s ok Lauren. We can deal with the paperwork another time. I have put a lot of your stuff into boxes already but you still have stuff everywhere. Just go through everything. It’s still your house. You have keys right?”
“Yeah. Yeah I still have keys. Right, well I will be there first thing Friday and try to take most of my stuff, I can’t really remember what’s there so it may take a couple of trips.”
“First thing as in nine am or first thing as in midday, you’re kind of first thing?”
He smiles as he speaks and it knocks ten years off of his handsome face and I can’t help but smile back. “Come on Jay. I can tell you I will be there at nine, but you of all people know full well that it will be closer to twelve.”
Shit. Why did I say that?
“Some things never change, do they Ren?”
I shake my head and fight back tears. Shit. Shit. Shit. Why am I getting tearful? “No they don’t Jay.”
“Look Lauren, there’s a lot we need to talk about. Would you have a coffee with me, in public? Not back at ours I mean.” Gabe will kill me. I shake my head.
“I can’t Jay. I have a girlfriend coming over tonight, we are going out for dinner, I need to get myself ready.”
He nods at me slowly. “You look beautiful as you are Lauren, you’re glowing. Gabriel is obviously good for you, I envy him.”
“Don’t Jay. Please, let’s just keep this pleasant.”
“I’m being pleasant Lauren, I was paying you a compliment. I was paying you both a compliment, Gabriel’s obviously doing something for you I couldn’t. You look really well, radiant almost. I miss you Lauren. So fucking much, I’m jealous, I would do anything, give anything to have you back.”
I can’t listen to this. I don’t want to hear it and I hate hearing him saying Gabe’s name. Like he knows him, like he knows us, about us. He has no idea; I’m not Lauren East. I’m Lauren Day now and he has no idea who she is and what she’s about.
“I have to go Jay, let me know if there is a problem with me coming by on Friday. It’s good to see you.”
I walk around to the driver’s side but he grabs my arm before I get the door open. “Is it Lauren? Is it really good to see me? If you really wanted to, you could see me every day. You could put a stop to all this and just come home. I’ve said I’m sorry, over and over I’ve told you, I don’t know what more I can do to convince you to put a stop to all this. You’re a forty five year old woman. Not a fucking teenager, you need to stop with all this bull shit and come home.”
I pull my arm from his grip and get into my car, slamming the door behind me. I have no idea how to lock the doors from the inside. Fucking stupid new car. I press the button and start the engine, take a deep breath and start to reverse, I can see him still standing behind the car in my reverse camera. I beep at him and he steps to the side. I avoid making eye contact with him and pull away. I’m so fucking angry with myself. When will I learn? Every time. Every time, he starts off pleasant and says all the right things and I feel sorry for him and then he just can’t help himself. He still just doesn’t get the fact that it’s him that’s in the wrong and not me and I don’t think he ever will!
Stella and I have a lovely evening, until she questions my lack of alcohol consumption. I blame it on the fact that I’m driving but she argues that I can have a couple, especially as I will be eating.
“What has got into you and Gabe lately darl? He has driven me mad this week, making sure that I was definitely coming over to stay with you, and he’s rung me like six times today, telling me we are not to go to Main Street and you are not to drink and then perhaps it would be better if we just stayed home with a takeaway. What is going on Lauren? Has your ex been making threats again?”
“No, no, he just worries when he’s not around. He’s just over protective and paranoid Stell, its best just to humour him, you should know that.”
“But why the no drinking? He won’t even know, I won’t tell him. Strewth, it would be more than my life’s worth.”