I looked up at her over the rim of my mug and sighed inwardly. “I’m probably coming back here to study.”
It’d been a week since that night at Mason’s, and Melanie had been mothering me ever since. I didn’t fault her for it, but it was unnecessary. To say she was disappointed that I kept things from her would be an understatement. She didn’t once judge me like I thought she would, but she was disappointed that I didn’t confide in her like I used to when we were younger. She did, however, state that seeing my professor wasn’t a good idea, which I knew. But I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
After letting the night’s events play over and over again in my mind, I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking. He was a cutter. I knew deep down it was true. I didn’t see him do it, but I saw the scars, and there was no other explanation. It intrigued me, and it shouldn’t. Not after the way he treated me. Not after everything I’d seen, but it did.
Seeing him in class on Monday and Wednesday wasn’t easy, either. I tried to focus on my laptop and not stare, but the sound of his voice was too hypnotic.
He was so pristine and put together; you’d never know what was hiding under his clothes. It was sad and enlightening all at the same time. It opened my eyes to why he acted the way he did in the bedroom. This was his secret. This was what he hid from the world.
And I saw it.
“I was going to see if you wanted to get some dinner after I got off work. John will be gone for the day, so I won’t have to work late.”
I placed my mug on the table and stretched my arms above my head. I was exhausted. Sleep had not been kind to me lately.
“Where did you want to go?”
“I was thinking that Mexican place, Diablo’s.”
I shrugged in agreement. “Sounds good to me.”
Mel smiled as she placed her mug down on the table before taking a seat across from me.
“Good. I want us to try and do something together at least once a week, like we used to. It’ll be nice hanging out again. We can go over all the things you’re learning in your classes, and I can help you if you need it.”
I gave her a small smile. “Yeah, that sounds nice.”
“How is everything going in your class, anyway?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
I scoffed and shook my head. I knew this was coming. I only needed one guess to figure out which class she was asking about. This whole spiel was her trying to butter me up to get me to talk. She used the same tactic Mom used.
“Everything’s fine, Mom. Is it hard? Yes. But that’s to be expected. I never thought it would be easy.”
“You can still transfer to another teacher. You still have time.”
I shook my head again. I knew she was right. It was a smart idea, but it was an idea I didn’t want to contemplate. I should’ve, but I knew I wouldn’t. I was basically torturing myself, but I wanted to see him. I knew that if I took that step and transferred to a different class, I’d never be able to. That thought alone caused an ache in my chest.
He made it clear he didn’t want me, but my body still craved his. It shouldn’t, but my core had a mind of her own.
“I don’t want to transfer. I’ll be fine,” I reassured her as I reached across the table and placed my hand on hers. “He’s a great teacher. It’s those moments he’s not teaching I need to watch out for.” I smiled.
“I know I’ve been up your ass.” She sighed. “I’m just worried about you. After everything that happened with Tim, and now this.”
“I know, but I’m good. I promise.” It was a complete understatement, but I just wanted her to drop it. “Let’s not talk about it anymore, okay?”
She nodded. “You’re right. I have to get going anyway.” She stood from the table and grabbed her mug. “I’ll call you when I’m on my way home. I’ll get changed, and then we can head out around six or so.”
“Sounds good to me.”
Mel transferred her coffee to her travel mug and walked to the foyer to pick up her satchel. “I’ll see you later,” she tossed over her shoulder before walking out the door.
Pushing my chair away from the table, I got up and walked to the sink to pour out what was left of my coffee. I needed to get my stuff together, too. It would be another day of trying my best to avoid staring at Mason.
*
“Good morning,” Brian said as he sat down beside me.
I turned to him with a smile. “Good morning.”
I arrived in class ten minutes early and Mason hadn’t shown up yet. Not that I was looking out for him or anything, which was a total lie.
“Are you excited about today?”
I finished typing some notes into my word document from the previous lecture then turned to him with a questioning look. “Excited about what?”
“Homicide,” he exaggerated.
I rolled my eyes. “You’re a dork.”