“You can take your time, man, but I’m not leaving until you give me…something.” He gestured with his hand as he sat down in the chair across from me.
I grabbed the glass of scotch and downed it before leaning back on the couch. I tried to get comfortable, ignoring the sting from the stitches pulling at my skin every time I moved.
Letting out a deep sigh, I ran a hand through my hair. I had a hard decision to make. He’d been there for me through so many things, and for me to keep all of this from him? He’d feel betrayed. Especially since it had to deal with his father, as well. I squeezed my eyes closed for a moment before finally looking up to meet his gaze. I didn’t want to tell him anything, but I knew he wouldn’t leave it alone unless I gave him something.
“You’re the only person who knows me, Luke,” I said, taking a short pause. I opened my mouth to say more but closed it again, shaking my head.
Luke furrowed his brow then leaned forward in his seat to rest his elbows on his knees.
“Just let it out.”
Filling my glass, I drank half before staring down at my hands as I rolled the glass between them, contemplating what to say.
“There are things I can’t tell you. Things I’m not at liberty to say. Things that plague my mind and cause me to do what I do to myself.” I looked down at my covered hip and for the first time, shame washed over me. Something I’d never felt before.
Cutting had always given me a sense of freedom. The control I never had. I’d never been judged for my actions because I’d kept it hidden. Although Luke had known about it, he kept his opinions to himself. But as I looked over his expression, the thought of him silently judging me in his mind didn’t sit well with me.
“I can’t tell you why I do it or why I started. You’re asking for answers I can’t give you and for ones I don’t have.”
“Then what can you tell me, Mase? You’ve been on this road of destruction for as long as I can remember. Let me help you.”
I let out another sigh and leaned back on the couch, running a hand through my hair. What could I tell him that wouldn’t get him involved?
“There’s no helping me. I have to figure this out on my own. It’s the only way.”
“I know you’ve been through some hard times. I can’t tell you that I understand how you feel, but you’re like a brother to me, man. I hate seeing you like this. I can bust your balls all day long when we’re around our friends, but in the end, I worry about you. And I know things between you and John were never the same after your mom passed, but I hope you know that my dad loves you like a son, too. If you need something, you have people willing to be there for you.”
I brought the glass to my lips and swallowed the rest of the scotch as I took in his words. I appreciated everything he had to say, and I knew he worried about me. His dad had always been there for me. While John was off doing whatever the fuck he was doing every day, Victor was the one who actually treated me like a son.
Then it clicked.
I’d been pondering what I could do to get revenge. Wondering how I could bypass the barricades I knew would be waiting for me. I couldn’t get the proof that John was up to no good, but I knew the one person who could.
Victor.
“Are your dad and John still as close as they were when we were kids?” Victor and John were never a source of conversation when we were together, so I didn’t know what their relationship was like.
Luke placed his glass on the table and shook his head. “I wouldn’t say they were close. John’s changed over the years, but so has Dad. I’d say they’re basically just partners now. They do what they need to do for business. Why?”
I shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “Just wondering.”
Luke scoffed. “If you’re asking, there’s a reason.”
There was a reason.
If John was doing any of his side business within the firm, then he’d basically fucked himself over. I had no idea what I could do about Donicko, who was the leader, also known as the Black Widow. He was untouchable, and his money put a lot influential people in his back pocket. But he could wait; I needed to focus on one at a time. Anything I could do to John would ultimately harm Donicko in some way, but I needed to be careful. I still didn’t know Donicko’s end game. Why did he have me in his sights so long ago? Why’s he calling on me again after so long? These were the things I had to figure out, and I had a feeling he wouldn’t make me wait long.
He was up to something.
Then there was the fact that he knew about Emma. I didn’t honestly think he would do anything to her. He was just trying to get under my skin, and he’d achieved his fucking goal.
Emma.
My eyes drifted back up to the painting. I didn’t know what it was about her that made her different from all the rest. I’d spent my whole life hiding behind a mask, hiding my inner and outer scars. But she’d seen part of me. A part of me I never wanted anyone to see.
It was my weakness.