“You let me think you were dead, Dragon. You let me grieve for you, hurt and blame myself. You destroyed me and now you just expect me to forgive you and be grateful you’re back.”
“I didn’t have a choice, Nicole. I did what I had to do for the club, to keep us all safe.”
“I’m starting to hate the club.”
“Nicole,” he sighs and starts again. “Mama…”
“Tell me, Dragon, if you could only save one of us? The club or me? Would I lose out to the club again?”
“Damn it, Nicole! That’s not fair. I did what I did to protect what was mine, and that includes you. A man ain’t a man, if he’s weak.”
I close my eyes. I’ve tried to hold it in, but he’s just not letting it go. So I decide to just let him have the cold, hard truth.
“You didn’t protect me, Dragon. Because of you, I nearly lost our child. I still might! Because of you? Our child is clinging to life, locked away from me, instead of in my arms; I can’t even feed him. A tube gets to feed him! You took so much from me, Dragon, I can’t even begin to count it all. So, forgive me if I don’t buy that you did it all for me.”
“What do you want from me, Nicole? People were dying. I had to put a stop to it. I was backed into a corner.”
“I don’t know, Dragon, maybe letting me in on what you had planned?”
“I had to move quickly, Kavanagh had too many eyes and he needed to believe that you were suffering. He needed to believe he had won. I didn’t have any other choice,” Dragon says.
That’s when I turn to look at him. Can he tell how cold I feel on the inside? I may never be warm again.
“There’s always a choice, Dragon. You just pick the one that means the most to you.”
“Damn it, Mama!”
“You need to leave.”
“Mama…”
“I’m tired, Dragon. Please, just go.”
“I’m not about to go until we fix this, Mama. You and I are forever.”
I ring the nurse, not bothering to respond.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Could you come here, please?”
“Are you hurting, Mama?” Dragon asks.
In more ways than I could ever tell you. I think it, but I don’t tell him. He wouldn’t get it.
“Mrs. West?”
“It’s actually, Miss Wentworth,” I correct her, because right now, that seems extremely important. “Could you escort Mr. West out? I’m just too tired for company and I want to rest up before I go to see my son.”
The nurse looks between us confused, but nods.
“Certainly, if you’ll just follow me, Mr. West.”
“This is not over, Nicole.”
“This has been over since the moment you let me think you were gone, Dragon.”
“Bullshit,” he says and stomps out.
My head goes back against the pillow. I guess I won round one.
Chapter 29
Dragon
Two weeks of bullshit. That’s what I’ve gotten from Nicole. Two complete weeks of bullshit. She won’t see me, she won’t talk to me, and except for when we get to visit our son together, I get zero emotion from her. How do I go about fixing things with her if she’s not even going to try? Did I kill her love? Why can’t she understand that what I did, I did for all of us?
Today, Nicole gets to come home from the hospital. She doesn’t really want to. She wants to stay at the hospital with our child, but they are making her. Carrie finally got her to agree to stay at the hospital until the last visitation with Chase, and then come home to rest before going back.
Of course, I didn’t get any of that from Nicole. I hear everything second-hand these days. She even named our child without telling me. Chasin Donovan West. Kid will hate it. Fuck, I hate it. It doesn’t matter, he’ll get a road name when he’s old enough. The fact that I walked into the room to find he had been named pisses me off more than anything else. I let it slide, figuring she was just getting her own back, but I’m getting pretty sick of being shut out. Tonight I’ll finally bring her home and we’ll start getting this lined out. It can’t happen soon enough for me.
I miss having her in my arms and talking to her. I miss just being able to see her every day. Having her away from me, leaves the days empty.
I walk into her hospital room holding her favorite flowers, Peruvian Lilies. She’s standing up, putting her stuff in her overnight bag, when I walk in. She freezes, looks at me and back to the flowers. She sighs, and gives me a look like I kicked her dog or something, and then goes back to packing.
“All packed up to come home, Mama?”
“All packed,” she whispers, not bothering to look up.
“Do you like your flowers?” I finally ask, because I feel stupid holding them.
“You shouldn’t have.”
I’m tired. It’s been too long since I’ve had her lips. Maybe I need to remind her what we have together? I place the flowers on the bed and pull her gently to me. She holds herself stiff, but she comes. I wrap one arm around her and use my other to pull her chin up, so she looks at me. There’s such sadness in her blue eyes. I want to take it away.
“Mama…” I whisper, staring into her shimmering eyes, getting lost in their depths.