Live Wire (Ramsey Security #2)

"I guess leaving the property might be a good first step."

I look around my front yard and think about searching for a guy friend. "No, I'm good. I prefer the company of women anyway."

"I know you do," Lawrence says, nearly laughing.

Despite my irritation, I find myself smiling. The guy knows me too fucking well. Even if it's weird talking to him about my love life, he's the only guy I trust. He's right about me not wanting to leave my safe place. This property keeps me sane, and I'm uninterested in changing to make a few token friends. If Saskia remains here with me, my life will be pretty damn complete.





25


Saskia

Lost in Plain Sight

Standing in the darkness, I stare at Brad's door for a long time. I'm afraid to knock on it. I fear once he sees me that he'll shut the door. I hate feeling such fear, so I force my hand into a fist and knock lightly. Facing my fear is how I've survived long enough to reach this moment.

A sleepy Brad opens the door and blinks several times before really focusing on me.

"I'm sorry," I nearly whisper. "I did nothing wrong, but I'm still sorry."

"Why are you sorry if you did nothing wrong?"

My fingers ache to touch his warm skin. Knowing I can't reach for him, I push myself to explain what I don't want to say.

"When I look in the mirror, I see no fault. But when I look at me through your eyes, I see a monster."

Brad reaches out and brushes away a tear from my cheek. "You aren't a monster."

"I feel no guilt for my past."

"If I were you, I doubt I would either."

"But you're not me."

"Good," he says, taking me into his arms. "I don't want to date myself."

I expect him to kiss me. Instead, Brad walks to the bed and simply holds me in his powerful arms. When my lips search for his, he only kisses me gently before returning to hugging me.

"When was the last time you were allowed to be soft?" he whispers, nuzzling my neck.

"Never."

Brad slides off my shirt before pressing our bare chests together. When I again try to kiss him, he won't allow our lips to touch.

"I want you to relax," he whispers against my neck.

"I am relaxed."

"No, you're really not."

Brad's fingers slide down my spine. His touch awakens my flesh, making me squirm on his lap.

"I want you," I murmur.

"You need this."

"You're trying to change me."

"If you didn't want to change, you wouldn't care how I saw you. You crave tenderness, Saskia. You've just forgotten what it feels like."

"Do you want me to change you?" I ask, frustrated by how he won't let me kiss him.

"I want you to relax."

Despite his soft touch and warm skin, I never relax to his satisfaction. Finally, I rest my head on his chest and close my eyes.

His heartbeat is slow and steady. Brad isn't nervous or angry about me being with him. I try to give him what he wants, but resting in his arms makes me think of sex. My hips roll instinctually against the hardness between his legs. His strong hands grab my thighs and keep me still.

"Why are you afraid to sit still?"

"I'm not."

Brad studies my face in the darkness. His fingers leave my thighs and caress my cheeks. He frowns slightly before kissing my forehead.

"You don't even realize you're lying."

"I want you."

"And I want you to relax."

Kissing him, I enjoy only a taste before he wraps me in his arms. I rest my head against his chest again. My hands reach around him and caress his back. Lingering over his scars, my fingers are tender in a way they're rarely capable.

I breathe slowly and deeply, enjoying his hot, clean scent. I imagine him in the shower, washing every inch of his strong body. In my mind, I join him, and he washes me too. As I bare myself to him, he cleanses the sins of my past.

Time passes as we hold each other in the quiet room. When I sit up and stare into Brad's eyes, he remains silent. My lips find his, and he doesn't stop me this time. Our mouths lock together, and I can't breathe.

The truth is I don't want to breathe. All I desire is for Brad to consume me in every way until I'm part of him.





26


Saskia

Sins of My Mother

Heavenly hours pass in Brad's bed. I crave this distraction from all the reasons we can't work. Every time he tries to speak, I cover his mouth with mine. Silence is golden. Ignorance is bliss. Tomorrow will offer only cold reality. For tonight though, we only know pleasure.

His body is so strong that he moves around the room with our bodies attached. We fuck against the dresser and wall. He carries me to the bathroom where I stand on the counter while he sucks my swollen lips. I nearly rip the mirror loose from the wall in a fit of pleasure.