In the Wind

"Gloves," Colbie says, handing them to Sawyer and me.

Sighing dramatically, Bodie pulls on her gloves. "People often ask me how I can spend all my time with Zane and Colbie, yet never murder them violently. I always tell those people to fuck off because I don't share my private shit with strangers."

Glancing at Colbie struggling with her gloves, she continues her story.

"Since I'm in a giving mood, allow me share my secret to dealing with inner demons without the boredom of therapy."

"Boxing!" Colbie says, nailing Bodie in the back of the head with her gloved fist.

Bodie doesn't react to her sister. "You two have issues to work out, so let's have at it."

"I'll represent Sawyer," Colbie says, bouncing around. "I'm angry and sad and have all kinds of feels. Prepare for me to unleash those mutherfuckers!"

"I'll be Jace," Bodie says, joining me. "I've hidden my feels all my life. Now, I'm going to use those feels to kick ass and inspire people to shit themselves in fear."

Sawyer glares at me as if I'm to blame. Fuck it, I glare back at her. We put on our gloves and continue to stare angrily at each other.

"How do we start?" I ask.

Sawyer punches me in the arm with her gloved fist. "There."

Bodie grunts. "Less punching. More confronting with words and wild accusations. I'll start." Focusing her glare on Sawyer, Bodie speaks in a deep voice as if imitating me. "You came to my room to fuck last night, and now you act like we're over. We both know that's crap. Stop the lies."

Enraged at how I shared our night together with Bodie, Sawyer takes a swing I easily dodge. Yet she won't yell at me, so Colbie joins the battle.

"You dumped me!" Colbie yells more at her sister than me. "I loved and trusted you, but you treated me like trash!"

The twins look at us, but Sawyer's frowning mouth remains closed. She refuses to admit our problems. I'm not doing much better though. Accusing Sawyer to her face feels cruel, and I don't want to hurt her again. Yet, I feel Bodie getting annoyed.

"I hid from you for years," Bodie says to Sawyer, ignoring Colbie bouncing around the ring. "You knew I was hiding too. We were friends before lovers. We talked about marriage and kids, but I kept hiding, and you kept letting me. You and I were more real than anything was in my life. How could you be okay with me hiding? Why are the lies always better?"

Bodie's words hit me. I think back to the day I ended things with Sawyer. We'd spent time with our families, and everyone was happy and smiling. Everyone except me. Sawyer never seemed to notice though. I knew everything about her, down to her most embarrassing secret. We were in love, but I was only showing her what I thought people wanted to see. Nothing we had was real, and she was okay with that fact.

"Yeah," I say quietly, and Sawyer's frown turns weird. "You never understood me. Your life was too easy to understand all my fucked up issues."

"Easy?" Sawyer yells.

"Before your pop died," Bodie continues, knowing I'm working through shit, "what was so hard about your life? You had parents that spoiled you rotten. When you didn't get along with people at school, they homeschooled you. When you wanted something, they gave it to you. You didn't know real suffering."

Sawyer shakes her head, but I know the panicked look in her eyes. She hates when someone nails her with the truth. Occasionally, Bailey will point out Sawyer's mistakes and cause the same shocked look.

"I loved you," Colbie says, nudging a speechless Sawyer. "I would have loved you no matter what. If you showed me your ugly side or your stupid side, I would have loved you. If you wanted to move to France to live out your dream of being a mime, I would have gone with you."

"Idiot," Bodie says to her sister.

Grinning, Colbie keeps babbling. "If you wanted to follow a hippy band around the country, I would have stopped shaving my pits and learned to love shitty music. I was devoted, you fucking slut hag!"

No longer interested in playing referee with my problem, Bodie tackles her sister. While they laugh and punch each other, I focus on Sawyer.

"I had the choice of living a lie forever or showing you the real me and running the risk that you'd leave. When my parents were killed, I hid and ran. Running has always saved me. That day with you, I ran because I couldn't pretend with you anymore. With everyone else, I could be fake Jace, but you're Sawyer. You're the only person I wanted to be real with. Except what if I showed you something wrong?"

"Idiot Colbie isn't wrong," Sawyer whispers. "I would have followed you anywhere."

"Why?"