"Because I love you. I know you better than you think. I know you disappear into your head when shit gets too real. When people freak you out, you put up your walls and act like you don't care."
"I feel like a fucking fraud," I say quietly, throwing off the boxing gloves. "I don't even know if I want to be in the club some days. The day I left you, I realized I don't know if I like riding a Harley or I just think I do. I don't know who I am. How can I expect you to love someone who's a fucking lie?"
Sawyer pulls off her gloves before tossing them at the twins sitting nearby. "You hate Tex Mex. You say you like it, but I know you don't. I see it in your eyes. It's subtle, but I see it."
Stepping closer, I search her face for the truth. "What else do you see?"
"You hate Tucker," she says, taking one of my hands. "You feared him as a kid, and you grew to hate him."
"I don't think I hate him."
"You do. He was loud when you were little, and you'd flinch around him. When you got older, you stopped flinching. You still hate him though."
"What else?" I ask as my free hand caresses her cheek.
"You love fireworks. Your eyes always light up when you see them, even when you try to act like you don't give a shit."
"I want to show you the real me, but I don't know who that guy is. What if he sucks?"
"I already know him, and I never wanted to let him go."
Feeling the hurt of waking up alone this morning, I whisper, "You said last night was goodbye."
"I say a lot of shit. I have a big mouth."
I force a smile. "What if I get in touch with my feelings and turn into a crybaby?"
Colbie laughs at my question, causing Bodie to punch her in the nose. They stand and circle each other. Rolling my eyes, I walk with Sawyer out of the ring and leave the twins to fight.
"Or what if I get in touch with the crap inside me and turn into a rage monster?" I ask once we're in a hallway. "What if I become a fucking loser? What if I can't control what comes out of me?"
"Are you asking if I'll leave you?"
"No, I'm asking if you'd still love me."
Sawyer sighs painfully. "The day you dumped me was the worst day of my life until Pop died. I hated you so much that I wanted to hurt you. Even under all that bad stuff, I loved you and hoped you'd come back. I didn't want anyone else because I wanted you. Loving you isn't a choice. I just do, and I feel like I always have."
I cup her soft face. "I don't want last night to be goodbye. If you need weeks or months or even years to get past what happened, I'll wait, but I'm not pretending with you anymore. I love you, and you belong to me. Not Stanley or any other random guy. You're mine. If you see the real me and decide to walk away, I'll still love you, and you'll still be mine. There'll probably be some stalking involved, but hopefully we won't reach that point."
Sawyer grins. "I'm still angry at you. I can't help it. Anger helped me get out of bed after you left."
"Be angry, but let's not pretend we aren't together. Or that anyone else will do. Let's stop lying and see if we crash and burn."
"You're thinking very positive, aren't you?" she says, poking my chest.
I take her hand and hold it." Being with you is worth the pain of maybe crashing and burning. I hope you're ready for the possibility too. I'm going to force shit out of me. I don't know what'll happen, but I liked the power I felt when I scared away Stanley yesterday. I liked knowing a powerful man looked into my eyes and felt fear. I want to feel like that again. I need to know I can protect what's mine. I know I can physically hurt people, but I've always envied how Cooper or Vaughn could scare people from across a room."
"I might be a spoiled brat," she says, frowning at the idea of her not being perfect. "I'm tough though. Losing Pop made me feel weak. I admit I still feel weak. Being with you last night made me feel fucked up too. Happy and sad, mad and forgiving. I don't know how long it'll take for me to adjust to a world where my pop isn't a call away. Even with all that shit, I'll handle whatever you throw at me. Just don't pull the running away act again."
"I ran away and ended up running in circles. Running was fucking stupid."
Sawyer grins. "Yeah, it wasn't one of your smarter moves."
"I panicked."
"I've panicked a lot lately too. I hate that feeling."
Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, I lean Sawyer against me. "You lost a great man."
The corners of Sawyer's mouth turn down. "You're right that I was spoiled by my easy life. You leaving knocked me down. Pop dying made me not want to get back up. I guess I have shitty coping skills."
"It's not a competition," I whisper, kissing her right temple. "I know everything in your family is turned into who did it best and who sucks. You need to stop thinking like that. I need to stop thinking about how people see me and figure out who I am. Faking it isn't working. We should focus on being happy. Not better or tougher than everyone else. Just happy."
"And real."
Smiling, I kiss her forehead before my lips lower to hers. Sawyer twists around to wrap me in her arms.