I braced my hands against the mantle and stared at the growing flames, lost in the depths of my mind. I needed to get in touch with Jack; maybe if Adrianna heard Nikki’s voice she’d feel better. The problem was I hadn’t seen my phone since I had left it with Adrianna and instructed her to call Jack. Vic followed me out of the club, worried about his daughter and her state of mind. I told him I didn’t have my phone, and he handed me his to set things in motion for Luca. The last I spoke to Jack he had been on route to the safe house where Nikki and Mike are staying until Vic can get a handle on things. I would’ve felt more at ease if he could have been the one to get the baby but he assured me that Riggs was a good guy, trying to prove himself and this would be his big break. I had no choice but to trust his judgement and so I sat on pins and needles waiting for Riggs to arrive with our boy.
I needed something to level me out, and I was sure that Vic wouldn’t be too keen on me putting a couple of holes in his walls so I went in search for something a little safer. I stepped into the kitchen and rummaged through the cabinets until I found a bottle of whiskey. It was probably years old, maybe even decades; didn’t people pay good money for aged whiskey? I unscrewed the top and took a swig from the bottle, closing my eyes as the dark gold liquid warmed its way into my belly. I took another shot, desperate to erase the guilt that consumed me but knew it was just a temporary fix.
I don’t think I can live with myself, looking into A’s eyes every day and seeing the torment reflected in them knowing I caused her grief. It didn’t matter I wasn’t the one who brought this war into our lives tonight. I was still the reason she killed someone. As much as the act of murder haunted her soul and damaged her, it wrecked me that she did it to save my sorry ass. I understood what she was feeling the moment she pulled the trigger. I knew how her mind worked in that instant because if I had been in her shoes there wouldn’t be a goddamn thing I wouldn’t do to protect her. The love we have for one another controlled our every move, our every thought and instinct. I always knew the love we shared was so powerful it had a life of its own.
I heard her cry over the water causing me nearly to drop the bottle of whiskey. I gently placed it on the counter and walked to the bathroom following the sounds of her sobs, which grew louder as I approached the closed door. I slowly opened the door and stepped inside the bathroom, the steam from the shower smacked me in the face, but I ignored it. She was sitting on the floor of the shower her head in her hands and her knees to her chest. I pulled back the shower curtain and stepped into the shower, the water raining down on me as I knelt in front of her and gathered her into my arms. I sat there with her, on the floor of the shower in the clothes I had been in for the last eighteen hours clinging to my skin and cradled her against me. I leaned my head back against the tiles as she grabbed my shirt with her fists and cried against my chest. Her sobs caused my eyes to fill with water and I blinked back the tears that threatened. In that moment I wished Rico had pulled the trigger before she had the chance to, sparing me from watching the woman I loved fall apart in my arms.
I have caused a lot of pain in Adrianna’s life, some of it I saw first-hand, some of which I heard about but never did I imagine I could cause this much damage to her. I didn’t know what was worse me dying in front of her physically, or her mentally and emotionally dying in front of me.
She pulled away, wiping her face with the back of her hand before reaching out and touching my face. I stared into her eyes and hoped she could see how much I loved her, how much I wanted to make this better for her.
“I love you, Adrianna.” I said softly.
“I know,” she replied tracing her thumb over my lower lip, her eyes bouncing between my lips and my eyes. “I thought he would kill you.” She whimpered while trying to regain her breathing, dropping her hand from my face and stared into my eyes. “Why was he holding a gun to you? Why was Rico going to kill you?”
“I don’t know baby but I will find out, I promise you,” I vowed.
“I listened to you, you know? I ran but I couldn’t leave you. I couldn’t walk out of that club knowing that there was a man holding a gun to you. I remembered the gun in my hand and turned around…Anthony I didn’t think. I didn’t even hesitate for one minute. I pulled the trigger like it was nothing.” She paused, swallowing and shrugging her shoulders. “I killed a man tonight and I’m not sitting here crying because I regret it. Sure, I feel awful that I killed someone, that, I took someone’s life, but I’d do it again.” She whispered, “What kind of person admits that out loud?” A tear fell from the corner of her eye and I reached to brush it away with my thumb.