He leaned over the table inches away from me and raised an eyebrow as he looked at me. “And say what?”
“How about I love you? How about I miss you? How about I’m okay? You want me to keep going? Because the list is long and I don’t know how much time we have,” my lip quivered as I finished my sentence. “I came here because I miss you, because I’m empty without you,” I cried, wiping at my tears. “I came here today because I don’t know if I can keep going without you in my life.”
He took my hands roughly in his, squeezing them to get my attention. “Look at me, Reese’s.”
I stared at him through my blurred vision. “I spent three days in the hole, do you know what that is?” I shook my head slightly. “Solitary confinement Reese’s,” he explained. “I’m losing my fucking mind in here thinking about you. It’s killing me knowing I’m here and you’re there. The letters you send me they fucking gut me and make me fall in love with you all over again at the same time. I think about you every second of every day and when I sleep, I dream about you. I don’t know if I should fight to live or quit and die. When I get out of here the thought of living without you is enough for me to want to throw in the towel.”
“But it doesn’t have to be that way. If you had listened, things could have been different.”
“I tried listening to you against my better judgement and all that got us was …” His words trail off as he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter because you need to listen and you need to listen good.”
“You can’t break up with me you’ve already done that,” I said pointedly, nervous that whatever he was about to say would break my heart again.
“I want you to stop sending the letters,” he whispered, looking down at his hands for a moment before lifting his eyes to mine. “It’s been a year baby, two more to go, you need to move on. Stop being a fool.”
“Is that what you’re going to do? I stop writing and you what, just move on with your life?” I asked angrily wiping my cheeks with the backs of my hands.
“Reese’s…”
“Don’t call me that!” I snap. “I would’ve waited for you,” I shook my head at the absurdity. “I would’ve done just about anything for you Anthony.”
“You want to do one last thing for me? Turn your life around. You were always a feisty one, going after what you wanted, grabbing life by the balls … go and do that again. I’ll have peace of mind knowing you’re okay.” He leaned across the table brushing a strand of hair away from my eyes and tucking it behind my ear. “No more sad letters baby, go be happy for the both of us.”
I wrapped my fingers around his wrist holding him there as I looked into his eyes. “And when you come out?” I paused. “What happens then?”
“Then I’ll stop in on you from time to time and be damn proud of you for the life you created for yourself.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Who knows, maybe by then I’ll have my life sorted out, but we can’t think about that now we have to concentrate on the present.”
“So this is it? This is goodbye for real?”
“Yeah baby it is,” he whispered.
I let go of his wrist but he kept his hand against my cheek, lifting his other hand to my other cheek and cradled my face in his hands.
“No one will ever love you like I do, Reese’s,” he said, caressing my cheek with his thumb tearing his gaze away from me for a split second to glance over my shoulder at the correction officer watching us. He dropped his hands from my face and pushed his chair back rising to his feet. I heard myself whimper, knowing this was the end, that he would walk away from me yet again. I wished I could’ve walked away first maybe it wouldn’t have hurt so much if I had.
Anthony moved around the table to walk passed me but stopped just at my side. I glanced up to see what had caused him to freeze and saw him glancing around the room at all the officers.
“Fuck it,” he grumbled, turning around and catching my chin in the palm of his hand. My eyes widened as he bent down, lowering his mouth onto mine. I wrapped my arms around his waist as his lips delicately worked mine. This kiss was different, it didn’t have the passion I was used to when he kissed me. This kiss filled me with sorrow and regret.
“Bianci!” An officer called interrupting our tender moment, forcing Anthony to disconnect from my mouth. He ran his thumb across my lower lip.
“I love you, Bianci,” I whispered.
His blue eyes melted for me one last time before he winked at me, dropping his hand from my face and turning around. He walked away from me, never turning around to glance at me one last time, breaking my heart all over again. Yeah, I definitely wished I had been the one to walk away first.
Chapter Sixteen: 2014