“Clean,” the correction officer said over her shoulder. “Any metal you have, put in this bucket, that includes your fancy belt sweetheart and the earrings you’re wearing.”
I stared at her for a moment before unbuckling my belt and sliding it through the loopholes. I did as she instructed and removed my earrings as well, placing them in the bucket before walking through the metal detector. Once they cleared me, I gathered my belongings and followed the correction officer through another door.
“Bianci has a visitor,” she said, handing me off to another correction officer, this one a male who let his eyes travel over me.
“You Bianci’s girl?” He asked with a creepy smile.
“You’ll have to ask him,” I said, slowly pulling my eyes away from him as the sounds from the visitor’s hall became louder. We waited in front of the metal door and my heart stopped. The man I loved more than anything, the man I hadn’t seen in over a year, waited on the other side of that door.
The buzzer sounded signaling the doors unlocking and the correction officer beside me pulled it open, stepping aside allowing me to walk into the large room. My feet froze just passed the threshold as I looked around the large room full of inmates and their loved ones. There were father’s holding their children, husbands kissing their wives, sons reassuring their mothers with a gentle squeeze of the hand. I didn’t know why they were in there, what they had done or not done that got them locked away. Looking at them in their prison blues trying to have a sliver of normalcy made my eyes fill with tears.
“Just grab a free seat and one of the guards will bring him in.” The C.O. said, behind me. I nodded and did as he said finding a seat in the corner of the room. I folded my hands on top of the table and waited patiently or at least I allowed myself to think I was being patient, the butterflies jumping in my belly told me otherwise.
They say prison can change people, that it hardens them. I couldn’t help but fear that Anthony would be a different man.
I lifted my head and my heart stopped as I watched the officer escort him inside the visitor’s room. Actually, I don’t think it stopped it just fell to the pit of my stomach, broken pieces of it cutting through the lining, making me clutch my belly in pain. He lifted his head, his eyes finding mine, and I heard the gasp escape my lips.
He was so much bigger than I remembered, I didn’t know if it was my mind playing tricks on me or if he had been working out while he was in here. His hair was short styled in a crew cut robbing me of a chance to run my fingers through his hair like I loved. He hadn’t shaved in a few days judging by the length of the scruff that outlined his jaw. I lifted my eyes to his noticing the dark circles around them. His blue eyes that were always so cold and uninviting used to soften and melt for me. Not this time, this time he kept his cold stare fixated on me. I dreamed of this day for a long time and in my dreams, he was always happy to see me. I wasn’t prepared for him to look at me the way he was, as if I was a thorn in his side. He stood for a moment just staring at me before taking the seat across from me.
We stared at one another silently – me, memorizing his features, him, looking at me like I was an illusion. I reached across the table and laid my hands over his, slowly lacing our fingers together. Seeing our fingers entwined like that caused fresh tears to slide down my cheeks. How was it that the simplest touch can evoke so much feeling?
I averted my eyes from our hands to his eyes and for just a fleeting second his eyes melted for me, looking at me as if I was his everything. I didn’t let my eyes waiver from his as I lifted our joined hands to my lips, gently kissing his knuckles, only for him to snatch his hand back from me as if I had bitten him.
“Don’t do that, A,” he whispered roughly. I swallowed hard watching him struggle to keep his eyes on me. I had so many things I wanted to tell him throughout the course of the year we were apart but each single thought fled my mind. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“Why?” I croaked out.
“Because I never wanted you to see me in here, I told you that before I left,” he said, his voice sounding anguished but teetering on the edge of anger.
“You told me a lot of things before you left, you want me to remind you of everything you said?” I croaked, feeling fire boil in my veins.
“Why are you here?” He asked on a sigh.
“Are you kidding me? “ I almost laughed in his face. “Haven’t you read my letters?”
He diverted his eyes for a moment before settling them back on me. “No.”
“You’re a shitty liar,” I hissed, cocking my head to the side as I scrutinized him. “Actually, I bet you’re a pretty damn good liar, it’s just that I see right through your bullshit. Why haven’t you written me back?” I leaned over the table. “Why haven’t you called me?” I asked angrily.