“What?” I said reaching my hand to touch my ear. “Oh. It’s probably in my car. I should…,” I pointed my thumb behind me to the vicinity in which I parked my car. “It may have fallen out when I got out of the car.” I glanced behind my father at the apartment complex. “It wasn’t important anyway. I’m going to go.”
We stood silently for a moment, my father knowing I had spent the night with Anthony, me pretending like he didn’t.
“You know Adrianna, there’s a lot going on that you’re unaware of, certain things that don’t concern you. Anthony’s life isn’t stable.”
“Don’t,” I said, holding up my hand. “Just don’t. I don’t want to hear it and you won’t want to hear what I’m going to say in return so let’s just end this right now.”
“You used to be my best pal,” my father said. “Your sister was always closer to your mother. I figured that was because she’s the baby, but you, you were my little pal, the little girl who thought I could do no wrong,” he smiled sadly. “You used to look at me like I was the greatest man in the whole world. I can’t even tell you how that made me feel, every time those big brown eyes looked up at me with adoration,” he shook his head. “I’d give anything for you to look at me like that once more.”
I looked away from him deciding that this was either God’s plan or some greater force intervening, fucking up any chance me and Anthony had moving forward with this. I shouldn’t have turned the car around the same way last night should have never happened.
I lifted my gaze to meet my dad’s.
“Goodbye dad,” I turned around on my heel and started for my car leaving my father standing as a barricade blocking the path to my happiness.
Chapter Fifteen: 2011
One year had gone by without so much as a letter from Anthony since they took him away to prison, no phone call, nothing. It was almost as if he died. The only reason I knew he was alive was because when I asked my father about him I’d be treated to a grunt. Followed by a mumbled ‘he’s fine’. My father wants me to see a shrink, I overheard him talking to my mom about it. He thinks I went off the deep end after I lost the baby. My mom explained that I was heartbroken and that I had suffered two great loses. My baby. My love.
I was thinking my father was right I was losing my mind. I broke into Anthony’s apartment and stole his gun so I could go after Jimmy. He was my only hope in getting information since my father wouldn’t tell me anything. I came up with this big elaborate plan to corner Jimmy and hold him at gunpoint until he told me something.
Anything.
I was desperate.
I would’ve done it too if it wasn’t for my mother finding the gun in my bedroom. She surprised me by not telling my father and instead she cried with me, begging me to let her help me. I don’t know what she did with the gun but scaring Jimmy was off the table since she confiscated it.
I didn’t talk to my mother for two days, I locked myself in my room and cried for what seemed like forever. I was falling apart. I had nothing to live for anymore.
This morning I really believed when my mother came into my room and demanded I get showered and dressed that she was committing me to the nearest mental ward. Instead, she drove seven hours in the rain, praying to Jesus the whole way. Now here I was in line waiting to be patted down before walking through the metal detectors of a state prison, so close to seeing Anthony.
It’s such a process to visit an inmate. When Anthony was first brought here I had to go through all sorts of shit to be an approved visitor. Against my father’s wishes or even his knowledge I had applied and been approved. My mother wasn’t on the list of visitors approved to see him so she only could bring me to the barbed wire gates and see me off.
I stood in line glancing around at the people that surrounded me trying to piece together their stories. There were lots of woman and children, which made me wonder, if our baby had survived, would I have brought our child to visit Anthony here. That is if he would have abided by my father’s orders.
“Next!” A female correction officer called standing in front of me pulling me out of my thoughts. I took a step towards her as she hastily lifted my arms. “Spread ‘em.”
I swallowed and spread my arms out as I was told.
“Legs too,” she barked, forcing me to spread my legs shoulder width apart. I stared at her as she dropped to her knees and patted my legs through my jeans. “Turn around.” I slowly turned so my back was facing her and closed my eyes as her hands traveled over my clothing, hip, ass, back. She even ran her fingers through my hair.
I was merely a visitor and knew the woman patting my ass was just doing her job. Taking precautionary measures and all that bullshit but still, I couldn’t help but feel violated. Which made me wonder what they did to Anthony when they brought him here to serve his sentence.