“Not much scares a man like me but losing you…” he paused, taking a deep breath, his eyes filling with tears. “It scared the hell out of me,” he whispered as he shrugged his shoulders. “I wasn’t ready to let my little girl go. I never knew watching you fall in love with someone would hurt my heart as much as it did and you fell in love with someone I couldn’t scare away. I thought it was just a crush at first but you fell hard for him and Christ, that boy fell even harder for you. It terrified me that at such a young age you found the one you were meant to be with,” He released my hand and took my chin in his hands and gently forced my eyes to meet his. “I see the doubt in your eyes Adrianna, but ask your mother if you don’t believe me.”
He dropped his hand but held my gaze. “Why do you think I pushed you towards Michael? I knew Val wouldn’t allow his son to be the man he or I were. Hell, he gave me grief about recruiting Anthony to be one of us. But I saw a passion in Anthony’s eyes and that’s why I gave him a job. The only thing was; I had misread what that passion was for. You see it came from a good place, a good spot inside of him, one I didn’t have so I couldn’t recognize in someone else. He wanted to be someone, to be a man, but he didn’t have anyone to teach him how to do that. The men he was surrounded by were no good. We were street guys that once wanted to be men too but instead of being honorable men who made their families proud we were men who stole, cheated, and killed. Nothing honorable about that.”
I didn’t know when I had started to cry but the tears slid down my cheeks. I brought the backs of my hands up to my face to wipe them away.
“I took advantage of Anthony and when I realized that you didn’t have some silly little school girl crush on him it was too late. I had already gotten my hooks in him and that’s when I changed. I didn’t stop loving you Adrianna I started hating myself. I hated myself because I couldn’t fix what I had so badly broken.”
“Why couldn’t you let him go?” I asked through my sobs. “Why did you send him away? We were going to have a baby! You told me to have an abortion. I was carrying your grandchild! What kind of monster says that to his daughter?”
“The kind that had lost all control,” he replied quietly, repositioning himself on the sofa, turning his body around to mine. “I couldn’t just let him go because I knew he would be the winner. You don’t understand how my world works Adrianna and I don’t want you to. But I created Anthony, not the man you love but the man he is on the streets. He became an asset to my organization and if I had cut him loose, I would’ve looked weak in the eyes of my enemies, something a man in my position can’t afford. I’m the one who lives each day knowing I can never change what I’ve done.”
“Your life might be a game but mine isn’t, and neither is Anthony’s! We lost a child, he went to jail for three years, do you know how much pain and suffering we have endured because of you?” I paused. “I killed a man last night and not any man but Nikki’s boyfriend. When does it end? When do we get to break free from you?”
I covered my mouth, shocked that I found the courage to say the words that lived in my heart for so many years. I stood from the couch and looked away from my father because as much as I hated him I didn’t want to see the pain in his eyes. He deserved to hurt, to feel half the pain he caused me, but still I hated that I was the reason behind his pained expression. It was that moment I learned I could hate someone but still love them so very much.
“I don’t want you going home. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get back to Brooklyn and I don’t want you hanging around the neighborhood if I’m not there.”
“This is ridiculous Anthony, I’m going home,” My mother said.
“Please can you humor me? I’ll have Riggs take you to Lauren’s. Come on, the two of you can spend a few days together and then you come back home. Don’t make it like it’s such a hardship, you’re moving up there anyway, so why not go for a visit now?”
“That’s exactly the point. I’m moving in two weeks, I have things to take care of, stuff to pack. I know you people drop everything when Victor says so but I don’t.”
“Victor’s not asking, I am,” I stated quietly.
She stared at me for a moment before shaking her head. “I could never say no to you,” I started to smile, but she wagged her finger at me and snarled. “Don’t you dare grin at me, I hate that I can’t deny you when you completely ignore every one of my requests. I don’t mean to be a nag Anthony it’s just that I want to see you happy. I don’t think asking that both my kids be happy and settled before I drop dead is too much.”
“Lucky for me and Lauren, our mother is young and not going anywhere anytime soon, giving us enough time to get our shit together,” I said, winking at her.
“Yeah, yeah…” she said rolling her eyes and shaking her head. “You’re really going to make me drive with that kid again?”
“Riggs is good people. He might be a biker but the club he’s a part of are nothing but a group of loyal men. Their president has become a good friend of mine.”