“Relax honey.” Deb said, seeing the discomfort in her face. “You’re in the hospital, but you’re going to be just fine.”
Cara’s eyes widened as she took in the mauve walls that lived in her nightmares, reminding her of that day…that day when she lost herself along with her one and only love. She suddenly felt suffocated, as if she needed to run out of there.
“I can’t stay here.” She croaked. “Please, I can’t be in here.”
“Shh.” Deb said and took her hand, trying to calm her. “It’s okay… You need to stay here Cara. You are not well enough to leave.”
“No you don’t understand I can’t stay in this place.” She looked at her with panic and tears in her eyes.
“I know…” Deb said, her voice cracking as she understood the significance of why it was torturous for Cara to be confined there. “But sweetheart, you’ve been in an accident. You were injured and you need to heal.”
Cara let her words sink in and she closed her eyes defeated, the tears falling from the corners of her eyes as she tried to remember. The last thing she could recall was leaving the cemetery and planning to drive out of Riverdale. The word accident repeated in her head and she remembered taking the bottle of pills. Her eyes shot open. “Was anyone else hurt?” She asked, dreading the answer.
Deb shook her head slightly. “No, your car went off the road into the guardrail.” She squeezed Cara’s hand. “You gave us a scare, sweetheart.”
“I’m sorry.” She whispered and looked away. She couldn’t bring herself to look into Deb’s sad eyes that were full of worry and concern. She didn’t deserve Deb’s concern. She wasn’t a victim. She had done this to herself.
“There isn’t anything to be sorry for. We’re just happy you’re okay.” She paused and studied her for a moment. “Cara?”
Cara turned to face Deb; she wiped at her tears and lifted her gaze to meet Deb’s.
“Sweetheart… the doctors said they found some pills in your system.” She treaded carefully and watched the shame wash over Cara’s face. “No, don’t do that… don’t look at me that way. I am not judging you.” She said adamantly. “I would never judge you. I want you to understand that. I am just concerned for you.” She pleaded and her eyes filled with fresh tears. “You’re like a daughter to me, you know that right?”
Cara bit down on her bottom lip and nodded as she cried.
“Good, now listen to me sweetheart. I know you are hurting. I live with the same hurt, but you cannot let that hurt consume you. You cannot let it tear you apart.” She let out a shaky breath and gripped Cara’s hand strongly. “My son loved you more than anything in this world and I know how much you loved him. I want you to ask yourself if Jake would want you to beat yourself up like this. He isn’t here to live, but he’d want you to live life for the both of you. He’d want you to pick yourself up. In fact, I believe he is watching you and begging you right now to turn this around. So I’m going to ask you on behalf of him, because I know in my heart he’d want me too, please pick up the pieces of your life.”
The tears streamed down both women’s cheeks and then Deb pointed to Cara’s chest. “I know deep inside is the girl that came into our lives and captivated all of us. She’s begging to be free again. You just have to let her be.”
“I feel like I lost her when I lost Jake.” Cara admitted through her sobs.
“You can find her again. I know you can, you just have to want to.” Deb affirmed. “And I promise you, you will not do it alone. You have me and Joe and you have Sam and Luke. He’s been pacing like a lunatic outside.” She took the tissue box that sat on the table beside the bed and took a few tissues for herself before she handed them to Cara. “We all love you Cara and we’ll be beside you every step of the way.”
Cara took the tissues and wiped at her tears before she blew her nose. She looked up at Deb and then after a moment she nodded. “I love you too.” She whispered.
Deb leaned over her and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead once more. “I’m going to let you rest. I’ll be outside okay?”
Cara nodded and took a deep breath as Deb squeezed her hand, one final time reassuring her, before she quietly exited the room.
*
When Deb stepped into the waiting room her husband and son’s head’s lifted and their eyes met hers.
“She’s okay.” Deb said calmly and even attempted a smile.
Joe let out a deep breath and leaned back against the couch.
“Thank God.” He said and then turned his attention towards his son who stood quickly.
“Can I see her?” Luke asked roughly.
Deb looked between her husband and son and then held her gaze on her son’s tormented eyes.
“Yes, but Luke, she’s very fragile.” She studied his face.
“I won’t upset her. I just want to see for myself that she’s okay.” He said as he shoved his hands into his pockets and stared at the floor.