She didn't say anything at first, but her eyes held mine and I sensed that maybe I had reached through to her. It was confirmed a moment later when she drew me into her arms for a hug and whispered in my ear, "Thank you, Winter, you'll never know what this means to me."
Judge Beastly interrupted us about ten seconds later, and I panicked that he'd guessed what I'd been up to because he drew her away from me by the hand rather possessively. "It's time to go, Vanessa. For the moment, we've settled everything here." I worried he might confiscate my card and expose my covert efforts to help her—hopefully to escape him. But he'd taken her hand without the card, or maybe she'd slipped it up her sleeve and out of sight before he saw it. Either way worked for me.
Dear God, thank you!
"Just some girl-talk with my new mother-in-law is all. You may have her back, your honor." I faked my sweetest most sugary smile and put my hand on the bathroom door as if I was going in.
"Oh, please call me dad, Winter, of course you must." He said it as an afterthought, like he was used to family members referring to him as your honor on a regular basis.
That will never happen, you fucking monster.
I told James what I'd done in the car on the drive home.
He was silent at first, his knuckles turning white from the force of his grip on the steering wheel. "She actually said that to you— 'Thank you, Winter, you'll never know what this means to me.' –and took your c-card?" The stammer gave away just how much I'd shocked him. By now I was well aware of the many times James and Victoria both had reached out to their mom offering their help to her in leaving the judge and starting a new life if she wanted. But never once in all of the years they'd tried to open a discussion with her about her obvious unhappiness, had she admitted a thing to her two children. They knew something was wrong, but whatever it was remained a deeply buried secret.
"She did, James."
"I can't believe it." As he looked over at me, and even in the darkness I could see the surprise in his eyes. "I'm fucking glad, but I still can't believe she even entertained the thought of doing anything other than pretending all is well."
"Sometimes when it's a person removed from the situation offering the help it's easier. Like me inviting her to volunteer at SBYC might be the way in. Your dad has a hold over her…with something. That much is apparent, and I could see it clearly in their small encounter when he came to find her to leave. Your mom is making a choice to stay with him. Her choice. That only she can make, James. No matter how much we try to help she has to be the one to ask for it."
"I know that. Vic and I've known it for a long time. She's miserable with him but she won't say why or do anything to change her situation. Trust me, I've spent countless hours worrying about my mom. I accepted a long time ago that whatever it is between my parents…I may never know."
"All we can do is try and let her know we'll be here for her when she's ready."
"Thank you, Win." I heard lots of emotion in my James' voice. I sensed he wanted to say more to me but couldn't. It wasn't the right time or place for it while driving us home.
I must have dozed off in the cozy warmth of the car, because I woke up to something much different. James smelled so good. The realization that I was resting against his hard chest as he carried me in his strong arms...was heaven. "Mmm…did I fall asleep again?"
"Yes, beautiful, you do that a lot now. Growing our baby makes you tired, but I don't mind because that means I get to carry you around more often like this."
"I love when you carry me." He did carry me often, so I trusted he liked doing it for a reason. I'd also discovered James was very particular about how he touched me—or more so in placing me where he wanted me. He arranged me into positions or put me in places where he then had a purpose for something more to come. I could tell this was one of those times. The whole feel of his body changed. His muscles flexing against me, and the way he was carrying me with determination told me he had plans for me tonight.
I didn't ask him either.
I knew if I did ask he probably wouldn't tell me anyway.
Because my James was a fan of plans…and surprises. And so was I.
The first surprise was that we weren't home in Boston but rather at his house in Sherborn. We hadn’t come here since the first night we were together. I knew he'd bought it originally before he was supposed to marry Leah, because he told me. I'd considered he avoided coming here so he wouldn’t be reminded of her, but I wasn’t completely sure. James had his demons…as did we all.
"Are we staying the night here?" I asked when he brought me in through the front door, carrying me effortlessly, as if I weighed nothing—which was definitely not the case.
"Only tonight." He kissed me before setting me down carefully in front of the fireplace which was already lit and cheerfully warming the room, most likely from Enzo's efforts. There were blankets and pillows and drinks and appetizers set out too. It looked like my surprise was going to be a slumber party by the fireplace with James. Yes, please. "Is that okay?" he asked.
I nodded slowly, my smile taking over as I realized what he'd planned for us. "This really is a beautiful house, James."
His hands gripped my hips loosely as he stood before me. "Your beauty makes the house pale in comparison, but it's served its purpose I think. In a good way. And now I'm ready to let it go for something else altogether. Other people will find it useful I hope, especially with your help."
"You're selling?"
"Something like that, beautiful." He smiled at me, a rare one that lit up his whole face. "You're a hard one to buy gifts for, Winter Blackstone, do you know that? I've wracked my mind for weeks trying to figure out the right engagement gift, and then tonight I knew what it should be. It came to me so easily while you were sleeping in the car."
"Why do you need to give me an engagement gift, because I don't have a gift for you, and we already discussed this."
"Oh yes you do, beautiful. You are my gift because you love me and you're having our baby. Your gifts are…everything to me…so much more than any single object I could ever give to you."
"Oh James—"
He silenced me with another kiss and then he knelt down in front of me and put his lips to my belly. He looked up at me with his sludgy green eyes that held the power to make me melt and said, "Winter Leigh Blackstone, I have loved you for a long time. I've watched you grow into the most amazing woman in the world…to me you are. One who is not only beautiful, but kind, and lovely, and so smart I am in awe half the time. The other half the time I have to pinch myself that you love me and want to belong to me. So, this house is my engagement gift to you. You already told me you didn't want a big diamond ring and wouldn't wear one anyway, so what can I give to the woman I love who holds my heart?" He looked around the room and then back up to me. "A house, one I don't need but could be used for those that do. It's yours to have as a starting point for a shelter or administrative offices or whatever you'd like it to be. There's room for expansion too, because the land itself is just under five acres. You can have horses here, there's a barn with outbuildings and everything. I'll take care of all the permits and legalities for you, and you can do what you do best. Help the people who need it and make your dreams a reality. You have your safehouse, my Winter."
I ended up on the floor with him because my legs couldn't hold me up anymore. Especially with him kneeling and his mouth too far away for my lips to kiss.
Many hours later I woke in his arms. Enveloped in his warmth and the soft blankets of our love nest beside a fireplace glowing with embers, I'd never felt so loved. I don't even know how I lived my life without James loving me this way before he started. I've also never cried as much in my life as I have in the last few weeks. But it didn't matter, because he'd told me once that he loved my tears. He owned my "love-tears" as he called them.
Much like he owned my heart.
Chapter Twenty-Two
WINTER
February