"No way. They got married without us there? They didn't tell anybody…" Winter took my phone from my hand and went over to sit on the couch with it. She stared at the picture for a long time.
"Are you okay, beautiful?" I asked as I came over to sit next to her.
She swiped at her eyes to brush away a few tears and nodded, but still kept staring at the picture. "Yeah, I am. I will be." And then she looked at me and smiled bravely. "It was a shock seeing that picture…at first…and feeling left out of such a big thing. My brother got married tonight, and we didn't even know? He didn't ask us to be at his wedding, James."
"I know, it's a surprise to me too. I always imagined that I'd be at Caleb's wedding just like he was at mi—"
I stopped my rambling and wished I could turn back time for just two short seconds. That day with Caleb is carved in my memories so clearly. He was the one who had to walk me out of the church, because I would have stayed all fucking day waiting for her to show up. Caleb was the one who convinced me to walk right out the fucking front door of the church with my balls still attached to my dick instead of slipping out the back where the guests wouldn't see. He'd said something important to me that I'd always remembered. He'd said the day would come when I'd marry the right girl. It wasn't the day, and Leah wasn't the right girl, and in time I would be glad she hadn't shown up to the church. He was right of course.
"It's okay to talk about that day with me, James. I'm so thankful you didn't marry Leah."
So am I. Because the right girl—is you.
"Me too…but I think I understand why he did it like this, Win. Don't you?"
She leaned into me and nodded a few times. "I think so. I'm just feeling a little selfish for missing out, but I can understand where he might be coming from. We knew he was taking Brooke away for rest and recovery, so I suppose marrying her wasn't too far off from his plans, especially since they have a baby on the way. It must have been a personal decision that they felt it needed to be just the two of them." I had no doubt it was the best thing for both of them. Brooke was the best thing to ever happen to Caleb, and I'd loved watching her bring his sorry-ass back to life.
Like Winter is doing for mine.
I rubbed her arm and kissed her on the forehead. "Maybe you can throw a party for them when they're back in a month. I'm sure they'd be honored with an after-wedding celebration."
She smiled again. "That's a good idea. I'll talk to the rest of the family about it. I really am thrilled for them. My brother is a married man now, and once I get over my FOMO I'll be good again."
"I can make you a married woman very easily, you know, to help you get over your FOMO a little faster. I know a guy."
"Do you now?" She rolled her eyes at me. "I know a guy too. He's wickedly hot in bed and very easy on my eyes, but I certainly don't have to marry him to enjoy being with him."
That's me told.
I'd keep working on her though.
Someday, I'd ask my Winter to marry me and she would say yes.
Chapter Twenty
WINTER
January
"Hello, Winter Blackstone, why are we seeing you today?" The doctor looked up from my chart to greet me. She also looked like she'd been up for far too long without sleep. I used the clinic around the corner from the South Boston Youth Center because it was convenient, not because it was free. I’d suggest to Caleb and Brooke the clinic be placed on a list for sponsorship via the philanthropic arm of BGE. I had plans to do big things in the near future—which was another reason I needed to take care of this issue regarding my birth control before I really messed up. Brooke's surprise pregnancy was still fresh in my mind, and even though it was a joyful surprise for our family, I needed my own situation squared away. James and I were in a great place in our relationship, but it was still very new.
We'd only been together for a little over a month, and we'd had a lot of sex in that month. Pretty much daily doses of amazing and fabulous sheet-clawing sex. I had no complaints, and I know James didn't, but dropping a pregnant bomb on him might send him running for the hills. Even though it would be completely different if I were pregnant, he'd been through it before and had been hurt badly. I wanted to have babies with him sure, but after we were married, and after I was settled into my career. James kept dropping hints about the marrying-me part, so I guessed a ring would be in my near future, but he hadn't given me one yet. One thing I was certain about was that I didn't want it forced onto my finger because of an accidental pregnancy. I was nowhere close to ready for motherhood.
The last weeks had been just so ridiculous from changes within my family and at BGE, we'd hardly stopped to take a breath since we'd gotten together. James was heavily involved with the BGE legal department since taking over the top spot at Caleb's request. I'd been busy completing my master’s in the last month, volunteering at SBYC, and getting registered with the Association of Social Work Boards for the State of Massachusetts. James and I both had been forging through these additional stressors for weeks while trying to settle into our brand-new relationship. Lots of adjustments all around. Caleb had even hinted at something for me in the way of a job taking shape, but we hadn't discussed anything formally yet. He and Brooke had only returned from their month-long honeymoon less than a week ago.
"I just need my Depo shot," I said as I read her badge. Cassandra Wilton, M.D. didn't look much older than me. She was probably one of those genius kids who'd been to university at fifteen years old or something.
She read over my file again, but I already knew what she would find. "I'm overdue, I missed my last shot."
"I see that your last Depo was more than six months ago. Were you trying out a different type of birth control or something?"
Emotion bubbled up in me as quickly as the question fell off her lips. I shook my head no and tried to tamp down the sudden urge to cry. "No, I—I j-just missed my appointment and then I ig-ignored the follow-up reminders…" So much for getting a grip on my emotions. Instead, I found myself sobbing my heart out on the shoulder of a doctor I'd never met before, who couldn't be a day over twenty-five. Awkward much?
"I think you need to be kinder to yourself, Winter. You lost your father and broke off an abusive relationship all in the last eight months. That's a lot." She rubbed my back in a slow circle. "It'll be okay. Have faith and know you're doing the right thing by being seen today."
It was plenty. It still is. And I am a first-class idiot for putting myself in this position.
"So, can we talk about your sexual history? What method of birth control were you using in lieu of the Depo?"
"Nothing." I winced as I answered her. "But, I wasn't having sex until a month ago. That's when I started seeing James, my boyfriend."
"Are you getting your periods?"
"No, I've not had one in a year. And honestly, that's the reason I wasn't super concerned, as no period means the Depo is still working, right?" God, my reasoning sounded so fucking dumb as I said it.
"That is a good sign, yes," she said carefully, "but I want to do a test before giving you another shot. And remember, you had antibiotics with your hand injury, so I can't rule out the interaction of certain drugs on a hormonal contraception like Depo Provera. It's not common, but it can certainly happen."
"Okay…but how accurate is the test? I mean, could a positive result even show up this early? We've only been active for a few weeks." A small flame of worry had started to flicker to life inside my chest.
"Very accurate. As early as fourteen days from conception…and it only takes one little swimmer to get the job done."
* * *
JAMES