A tall, stately woman, in her mid-fifties, walked up on the stage then and took the podium. She looked very professional in a beige suit with matching pumps and bag.
“Is that Shelly’s supervisor?” asked Cindy.
“No,” said Barbara, “it’s Maria Bolton, head of research and education.”
Without losing another moment, Maria Bolton tapped the microphone and talked into it.
“Testing, testing,” she said. Then she tapped the large screen that stood to her right. A photo of a woman being hit came on. It was chilling.
“Thank you all so much for coming here to be informed about a very special topic,” Maria began. “We welcome you to our community and hope to answer any questions you may have when my talk is finished.”
Cindy sat up straighter, alert. She liked this woman very much and was eager to hear what she had to say.
“What is domestic violence?” Maria continued, “what is battering and abuse? How can we spot it? Very often we can’t and don’t. We look the other way, minimize, and call it by different names. Then we’re shocked when the victim turns up dead. And many do. Make no mistake about it.”
Cindy swallowed hard. This woman wasn’t pulling any punches, Cindy appreciated that.
“Domestic violence affects each of us, it doesn’t discriminate,” Maria continued. “One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. Domestic violence can be emotional, physical, psychological, financial, sexual or a combination of these. One way to stop it is to realize that abuse of any kind is never acceptable! The victim is never to blame! The violence ultimately becomes a form of terrorism that destroys the victim one way or another.”
Maria pressed a button on the screen and a slide of a mother and child crying in the shadows came up.
“So, why does she stay? It takes an average of seven attempts before a victim actually leaves her abuser. One of the most dangerous times for a woman is when she leaves. At that time the abuser works to reestablish control. They threaten to torture pets, children or even family members. In a final act of power and control, some kill. Twenty eight per cent of abused women were attempting to end the relationship when they were killed.”
This was important, harrowing information. These facts had to impact the work Cindy did, probably far more often than she’d realized.
Maria flipped another slide on the screen. It was of a woman running away down a dark alley.
“Many people believe that if the victim really wanted to leave, she would just go. They say how bad can it be, she’s staying? This attitude not only dismisses the severity of the violence, but perpetuates the cycle of abuse.”
Maria then flashed a photo of a woman crouching in the corner, with a man glaring at her, a few feet away. Cindy was mesmerized. She couldn’t help think about Clint’s family. They’d been very emotionally abusive towards both her and Clint during the engagement. She’d had to struggle every day not to let them to break it up. It had actually been a mini miracle that the marriage had taken place at all. Ann had warned Cindy about it, too. Now Cindy wondered what effect their behavior really had upon Clint Was it possible he might have been alive if this hadn’t gone on?
“Okay,” Maria, said then, walking closer to the audience on the stage. “Let’s look directly at the question of why women don’t leave! If he hit you on the first date chances are you would never go out with him again. Never. But, he waits until you are in love with him, until he knows you, finds your weaknesses and isolates you from family and friends. It likely starts out with something simple, like ordering your food for you at a restaurant.
“She’ll have the pasta and salad,” he says and you think how romantic, he’s ordering for me. Before long, his behaviors become more controlling – soon you’re not allowed to answer the phone; you can’t call family or friends; or you’re at work and he calls repeatedly to check on where you are.”
Cindy shuddered, as she began to think back to the men she’d known before Clint. Ann was right, in the past she’d attracted guys who were controlling, wanted to dictate to her. She’d liked it then, it made her feel safe and cared for, as if she weren’t alone.
“Abused women stay in their violent relationships despite the pain and suffering because they love their partners,” Maria finally announced. She paused after she said it, and looked around.
Cindy smiled. Love wasn’t a word heard too often these days.