“Whatever it is will be easier if we face it together.”
Lark scooted away from me then nodded. “I’ve been dizzy the last few days. Maddy heard about that and said she got dizzy when she was first pregnant.”
A tight ball in my stomach, I wasn’t sure what to say. Lark continued, “I’m on the pill and I promise I never forget.” When I moved closer, she scooted away. “I thought Maddy was wrong. All she thinks about is babies, so it made sense for her to think I was pregnant. I thought it wasn’t right, but I did the math in my head and I’m late.”
Lark turned her gaze to me and her voice sounded so panicked when she spoke again. “I hadn’t been paying attention. Everything has been so good and I’m on the pill, but I should have started a few days ago. I never paid that much attention before, but I’m regular and I didn’t start.”
Enough of letting her set the mood, I pulled her against me and stroked her hair.
“I’ll go to the store and pick up one of those tests. I see those commercials and they are supposed to work once you missed the first day. I don’t know, but I’m sure there are instructions.”
“I don’t want to know,” she whimpered. “I’m not ready for everything to be ruined.”
Cupping her cheek with my hand, I forced her gaze to mine. “Why would it be ruined?”
“I can’t have a baby.”
My chest hurt at the thought of what she was saying. “Lark, my biological mom was younger than you. Poor and alone. I’m glad she didn’t make the choice you’re thinking about.”
“No, not that. I just can’t be. I don’t want to be. I’m not a good enough person yet. With time, I could get better. With your help, I could stop being a failure.”
“Shh…” I said, kissing her. “Nothing about you is a failure. You had a crap mom and a convoy of shit dads and you turned out wonderful. Just calm down.
“I don’t want to know,” she begged.
Having never seen Lark in such a state, I wasn’t sure what the right words were. I just knew what I needed.
“I’m going to pick up a test,” I said and Lark immediately freaked.
Before she could complain, I kissed her. Stealing her breath, I kissed Lark until her body softened in my arms. Leaning her back on the couch, I pulled my lips away then kissed the corners of her mouth lowered into a frown.
“Just watch TV and I’ll be right back. We’ll find out then we’ll deal with the result. We’ll do it all together. Even if you can’t see how amazing you are, Lark, you must admit I’m pretty damn flawless. Just rely on my half of the team to get things done.”
Lark gave me a little smile. “You are amazing, but…”
“No, buts,” I said, kissing her. “I’m breaking a few speed limits then I’ll be back. You know how I’m always looking for a reason to speed.”
Lark curled up on the couch and stared at where I turned on an episode of Friends from the DVR.
“This is the one where Phoebe thinks her mom is a cat,” I said, having taped the shows for Lark. “I should be back by the end of the episode.”
Lark stared up at me, looking exhausted in a way I’d never seen before. “I love you.”
Kissing her cheek, I smiled even though I was struggling with my own fears. I left her to watch TV while I raced several blocks to the CVS. After a bored clerk helped me find the best tests and told me way too much information about when she used them for her kids, I returned home. Deputy Dickhead gave me an angry glare when I sped by. Even enjoying his anger, I lost my grin when I saw Lark staring blankly at the television.
When I entered, she sat up and focused on the bag in my hand.
“The chick at the store said it works better in the morning, but it might work tonight. I bought a few extra tests, just in case. Do you need to pee?”
Lark stared at me then burst into laughter. “A few weeks into our relationship and we’re talking about peeing. Awesome.”
Smiling, I set the bag down on the counter and joined her on the couch.
“Did you ever meet your biological mom?” Lark asked and my smile disappeared.
“A few years ago. She’s nice, but I didn’t feel anything particularly special for her. Of course, I’m grateful she gave me life and a chance with my family.”
Lark said nothing, so I continued, “If you’re pregnant, I want to keep the baby. You’re my girl and I’ve wanted to marry you since the first weekend you spent here.”
Lark glanced around the room while thinking then returned her gaze to my face.
“If it’s a girl, can we name her Phoebe?” she asked, taking my hand. “That’s my favorite character because she weird, but resilient. The name sounds kind of like Phoenix too.”
Relieved to hear her talking about the baby like it was ours, I smiled again. “And it’s a boy?”
“You have those books on Leonardo Da Vinci and I know you love his work. Phoenix was a Leo. Could we name the baby Leo, if it’s a boy?”