After Cooper and Aaron dislodged Tucker’s head from Gail’s grip, Maddy sat next to me and rubbed her belly. “Man, the last few weeks aren’t fun.”
“You look good though.”
Maddy grinned. “Thanks for lying. Um, I was wondering if you were on the pill.”
“Yeah.”
“Have you tested it out, you know?”
“I don’t get it.”
Farah sat next to me and smiled at Maddy. “What are we talking about?”
“I think Lark might be preggers.”
“No,” I gasped. “I’m on the pill.”
“Don’t freak. I just saw how dizzy you are. Might be the flu or weather or mono. Who the hell knows, but I was super dizzy when I first got knocked up. Before the nausea and all that stuff, I was dizzy and felt tender like I was going to start my period.”
Touching my slightly bloated stomach, I tried to think happy thoughts or blow off her comments. Instead, I panicked because I wasn’t fit to be a mother. I would let my baby die the way I let Phoenix die.
“But she’s on the pill,” Farah said, trying to calm me. “I was on the pill and I come from fertile people, but I didn’t get pregnant.”
“It happens sometimes. With me, Tucker was fucking with my pills, but I’d tested out the pill. Like he wasn’t my first or anything. My cousin though was on the pill for nearly a decade because she had weird periods. She was a virgin until college though,” Maddy said then whispered, “She’s kinda fugly.”
Staring at her in horror, I didn’t care why her cousin didn’t get laid before college. I just wanted her to tell me something that made my being pregnant impossible.
“Anyway, she’d never tested out her pills in the Biblical sense. A drunk one night stand later and she knew they might regulate her periods, but they didn’t keep her from getting knocked up.”
“Was she on antibiotics?” Farah asking, holding my shaking hand. “I heard they can mess with the pill.”
“Nope. Her pills weren’t old and she was good about taking them. She’s a nerd when it comes to her vitamins and stuff. Anyway, she got preggers and tried having an abortion, but it didn’t take. Talk about all signs pointing to God wanting her to have a kid by some random guy. She gave it up for adoption though because she wanted to finish college.” Maddy paused and glanced around. “I forgot my point. These baby hormones are making me so dumb. I’m always walking into rooms and forgetting why I went in there.”
“I probably have sinus issues,” I said, hoping I was coming down with the flu rather than having a baby. “Spring can do that.”
“Sure, but I’d pee on a stick to be sure,” Maddy said, struggling into a standing position. “It can’t hurt to be sure. I read that the baby does all its important growing at the very beginning. After that, it’s just getting bigger. You don’t want to take anything that makes your kid stupid. I am super careful about that. You know…” She leaned over and whispered, “Because Tucker’s no Einstein.”
Despite my fears, I laughed at her expression. She laughed too then gasped.
“I need to be careful about laughing too much. Don’t want any accidents,” she said, giving me a wink before waddling over to Tucker who was fascinated by the rollers on the skates resting on the table in front of him.
“If you are, you know,” Farah whispered, “it wouldn’t be so bad. In fact, if we both get pregnant around the same time, our babies can grow up and be friends like we are.”
Grinning at Farah, I didn’t feel so afraid to know I wouldn’t be alone. Mostly, I figured she would help me from destroying my baby’s life like I destroyed Phoenix.
Chapter Thirty Two - Aaron
The whole evening, Lark refused to make eye contact and the wall she put up between us felt like a slap in the face. When we arrived at home, she walked around with her arms wrapped around her body as if for protection. I watched her wander from the kitchen back to the living room. Lost and needing an anchor, Lark wasn’t reaching out to me for whatever reason.
Taking her hand, I walked to the couch and sat. Lark joined me, but still wouldn’t look me in the eye.
“Baby, tell me what’s wrong.”
Sitting at the edge of the couch and wrapping her arms tightly around her body, Lark started to speak then she shook her head. After another minute, she sighed. “I shouldn’t say anything until I know for sure.”
Leaning back on the couch, I studied her and really saw my sweet muse. Not the spunky girl who smiled and teased. Not the roller derby Lark with a tough edge, but the little girl who turned away from watching her baby brother for a few minutes and he ended up dead. The child Lark whose self value came solely from others.
“Do you know one reason my parents have stayed married so long?” I asked and Lark shook her head. “They’re a team. If one has a problem, they both have a problem. No secrets, no holding back. They face everything together.”
Lark glanced at me and I saw such despair in her eyes.