“I’m not sure I care.”
“You should. You’re me and Aaron’s Taylor. You are his muse, his inspiration, and eventually his anchor. You’ll drag him down with your wants and needs. A man like Aaron needs the freedom to feel and create. Women like us need security. We drain men like them.”
“Aaron loves me.”
“For now and it won’t be him who ruins things. I should know because I wanted to spend my life with Taylor. I wanted to spend my life with so many wild men. They couldn’t live with all that need. It’s why I work with Larry.”
Nearly making a barfing gesture, I was able to restrain myself. My face must have done something though because she frowned.
“Larry provides security. Before him, life was chaos for me. I never trusted in anything especially myself. With him, I have found a rock. It’s what I needed and it’s what you’ll need one day once your heart’s been broken by Aaron.”
“Did you come here to get me to break up with Aaron? It won’t work. I know him and he’s a good man.”
“I never said he wasn’t. You think I’m attacking you. I know you though. Not because we were ever close, but we’re so similar. I know you because I’ve come to know myself after failing for so long. I know me well enough to know you won’t leave Aaron until he begs you to go. I was the same way. What I felt was too strong to walk away from. Had my mother told me what I’ve told you, I wouldn’t have cared either. I would have held onto Taylor and I still would have lost him. Nothing can change fate. A woman like you and a man like him can’t work. You think you’re creative and I thought I was too. I was quirky and a dreamer and I thought that made me like Taylor. It just made me a groupie, feasting off his talent and needing his acceptance to give me worth.”
“Larry is a jerk.”
“He’s not much of a father, but he’s a good husband and that’s what I needed.”
“Yeah, but we were still kids when you married him.”
“You were fifteen and Raven was nearly eighteen. You had plenty of fathers over the years and didn’t need Larry to care about you.”
“Mother of the year.”
“You can call me selfish, but it’s how the Hancock women are. We might want to be good mothers or sisters or friends, but all of our worth comes from the men we love. When we’re loved well, we’re happy like I am with Larry. If we’re not loved, nothing else matters. Why do you think Raven could just leave us behind? She’s got Hancock blood and her need to be with Dexter mattered more than anything else.”
“I’m not Raven.”
“No, she’s a fighter. I never was unless it was for a man. You’re the same way. When Larry said jump, you said how high. Until it came to having a man you wanted then you were brave.”
“Fuck you,” I whispered. “I’m not you.”
“I would have said the same thing to my mother. I didn’t want to be like her. I wanted to be more. Wanted to be better. Independent. Strong. Smart. I certainly didn’t think I’d be a mother like she was. I thought I would adore my kids and they would give me meaning like I never gave her any. I was wrong and you’ll feel the same way one day.”
Standing up, I thought about the baby growing inside me and wished I knew in my heart that her cruel words were a lie. My mind returned to the memory of Phoenix floating in the pool. I’d destroyed his life because I was too busy living mine. I was a Hancock woman. Maybe one day, I would sit across from my child and give her the same speech I now received.
“I’m not giving up Aaron.”
“I know,” Mom said, standing up. “I never thought you would, but I wanted you to know I understood. When Larry is standing next to me, I have to pretend like you’ve lost your mind and I can’t understand why you behave the way you do. It’s a lie though. I do know and I knew the moment you ditched Dylan at the library. You were truly brave for the first time in your life and I knew Aaron was the reason. In that second, I knew you wouldn’t give him up until he asked you to. When that day comes, I hope you won’t feel too bad. As Hancock girls, we can only enjoy what fate allows. We are who we are and accepting it is easier than living a lie.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Nothing, Lark. There’s nothing to say. You feel what you feel and I’m not changing your mind.”
“Are you going to eat?”
“No, I’m meeting Larry for lunch and want to save my appetite.”
“Can’t go over the calories he allows,” I muttered.
Mom smiled. “When you find your rock, you’ll sacrifice for him too.”