Damaged and the Beast (Damaged #1)

“I don’t know. It just seems like a thing to say.”


“Am I supposed to wait around while you get your crap together and decide you have time for me?

“No.”

“So you’re fine with me fucking someone else?”

Biting back tears, I shook my head. “I can’t be with you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

“Yes, it does. You’re making a damn choice.”

“I’m trying to accomplish the one thing I’ve wanted all my life,” I whimpered, pleading with him to understand. “The one thing that gives me value.”

“Why can’t I give you value?”

“Because you’re the one with value. I’m just your girlfriend.”

Cooper looked at the passing cars then up at the half hidden moon. Suddenly, he turned and punched the brick wall. Once, twice, again and again, until I pulled him away. His hands were bleeding as he cupped my face.

“Fuck you, Farah,” he hissed. “I hate you for this, but I’m waiting until you realize how you aren’t alone because you and me are in this together. We’ll always be in it together because you and I are real in a way your silly childhood dreams aren’t. You are my treasure and I’m not letting you go because you got a few shit grades. Love doesn’t work like that.”

As easy as it might be to soothe Cooper and hope I could handle his love and my schoolwork, I knew easy choices were often mistakes. I needed to do well at school to have any value. Cooper couldn’t understand because he always had value. He had a life where one failure didn’t mean the end of the world. I had a life where one failure meant I was becoming my mom.

After using my apron to wipe his bloody hands, I inched back until I let him go. “I need to get back inside.”

“Can I drive you home?”

His gaze reeked of need and his breathing was rough. He was a man barely holding onto his control, but I couldn’t give him what he wanted. I couldn’t even give myself what I needed.

“No thank you.”

Cooper’s shoulders sagged and he finally understood. He walked past me, yet stopped at the curb and sighed. “You’re still my girl.”

“Okay.”

Without looking back, Cooper climbed on his Harley and left. I didn’t know how to fix everything I had ruined. It wasn’t as simple as going to a guy, paying his bills, playing buddy, and making things right. I needed to bring my sister to Ellsberg, but had no idea where she was. I needed to be a teacher, but couldn’t even pass my first tests. I needed Cooper, but had brought out the worst in him. Everything I needed was out of reach, so I returned to wiping clean tables and filling already full ketchup bottles.





Chapter Twenty One


Thursday sucked from the moment I woke up to the sounds of my mom’s horny cries to the walk to bus stop in the rain. I tried to pay attention in class, but my mind was everywhere else. At lunch, Skye talked non-stop about her vagina. It started with her concerns about natural childbirth and just dragged to her wondering if she smelled weird. I was relieved she didn’t ask me to take a whiff and give her my opinion.

Walking into Spanish class, I saw Cooper, but avoided his gaze. I was tired and he looked so handsome in all black. I remembered how we planned to see a movie that weekend and go swimming if the weather was decent. Instead, I planned to study and try to catch up when I was completely lost. Scheduled to work with a tutor on Monday, I wanted to cram ahead of time so I wouldn’t look stupid. It reminded me of how people cleaned their houses before the maid arrived.

As I left class, Cooper blocked my exit and I finally looked up at his beautiful face. I knew that face, every curve, every feature. I missed that face, but was too tired to argue again.

“I’m going to help you study and get your grades up.”

“Coop, please…”

“Please, help you? Yes, I will.”

Tears pricked at my eyes and I glanced around. “I’m really failing.”

“And I’m going to help you.”

“So we can date again?”

Cooper’s expression darkened. “What we did wasn’t dating. What we did was fall in love and I want you back. If you can’t be with me until your grades are solid, we’re making them solid.”

“I can’t be with you.”

“Farah,” he whispered in a harsh tone that startled me. “You’re not listening. I can see you’re tired and stressed, but listen. You’re failing this class, but I’m not. You need my help. I want to help you because I love you and want you back, but those aren’t the only reasons. I also know you deserve to do well. You worked too hard to get to this fucking school just to get distracted.”

Cooper was right about a million things. Mostly that I was tired and stressed. I never slept well when away from him. I didn’t eat well either. Cooper had provided too many missing needs from a lifetime without. Now, I’d lost him because I failed.

“What grade did you get on the Spanish test?” I asked as he took my books into his arms.