Damaged and the Beast (Damaged #1)

“Yes, of course. It really will be okay. These first exams are always a pain, but you’ll catch up.”


Thanking him, I hurried out the door and walked as fast as I could to the bus stop. Cooper wasn’t around to drive me and I didn’t notice Skye either. Maybe she was waiting for me somewhere, but I couldn’t see through my tears. No one bothered me on the ride home, ignoring my quiet crying. I hurried into my apartment and past Amy and Tex watching TV and drinking beers. Once in my room, I turned on the radio and cried into a pillow.

All those years working to get to college, it never occurred to me that I would fail. I felt such shame at knowing my dream would never happen because I was too stupid. I really thought I was better than everyone in my family including Tawny. I always told myself how good I was at school, but clearly I was just getting by in the shitty schools I attended growing up. Now, at a school not known for being academically rigorous, I crashed and burned.

Though desperate to talk to Cooper, he was one reason I failed. I had blown off too many hours of reading and studying just so I could be with him. Now, I’d lost Cooper and failed.

Eyeing my phone, I considered calling Tawny, but was too embarrassed. How could I tell her I only stayed off academic suspension because I was dating a Johansson? She wouldn’t judge me in her words, but I knew she would be disappointed. I had promised our dreams could come true and we’d be more than our parents. I was so certain I could be Mrs. Prescott. Now, I realized my teacher likely knew the truth. She just couldn’t bear to tell a child that life only provided opportunities for people better than me.

By the time I arrived at work, I was depressed and just going through the motions. I didn’t even check the ketchup bottles. Yet figuring I might spend the rest of my life as a waitress, I should at least take pride in the job.

When Cooper arrived, he rushed over to where I wiped a very clean table. “I apologized to Nick. He accepted my apology. I’m paying his hospital bills. The rest of his year at school too. We’re best buddies now. He’s even under my protection. It’s all better.”

“I’m glad.”

“That’s it? You’re glad.”

“I can’t talk about things when I’m working.”

“When do you have your break?”

“In an hour.”

“We’ll talk then.”

Despite the urge to say no, I missed Cooper so much I felt like nothing else mattered. The feeling was a lie though. My dream mattered, but I’d pissed it away. Or maybe I was always going to fail despite how hard I worked. Was I too stupid to succeed?

When I gave him a noncommittal nod, Cooper studied my face. I knew he wanted more than the nod. Apologizing to Nick wasn’t a Cooper move. He didn’t really think he was wrong. While regretting Nick was really hurt and worrying over me leaving him, Cooper didn’t genuinely feel guilty. He viewed me as his and anyone who interfered was an obstacle to be eliminated. Cooper’s ferocity might be terrifying, but at least he succeeded when he put his mind to things. I couldn’t claim the same about myself.

After I fed Cooper, I waited for break time when I would tell him how no amount of apologies could fix what was broken. I was the problem. Cooper was merely the symptom.

We stepped outside because I sensed he might not take things well and would get loud. Cooper reached for me immediately like he was dying without my touch. Even wanting to be in his arms, I stepped back.

“How much do you plan to punish me before we’re okay again?” he asked with a needy gaze.

“It’s been less than a day. Besides, I’m not punishing you. We just can’t be together.”

“What the hell is it now?” he asked. While his words were angry, his tone was more desperate.

“I need to focus on school,” I muttered, avoiding his gaze. “I can’t get distracted.”

Cooper erased the space between us and lifted my chin to force me to look at him. “I want to spend my life with you and I’m a fucking distraction?”

“I failed all of my tests, Coop. If I was anyone else, I’d be on academic probation,” I whispered, feeling ashamed. “I’ve always been a good student and I could get kicked out if I don’t pull up my grades.”

“Fuck that. I’ll get it fixed.”

“No,” I said, stepping back. “Being a good student was the only thing I ever did well. I couldn’t protect my sister. I wasn’t popular or stylish. I never had any great skills, but I kept my grades steady. I was the good average student in every class. Now, I’m failing.”

“I’ll help you study. I’ll hire tutors. I’ll make it better.”

“I want to make it better myself. I want to succeed on my own.”

“You’re not on your own,” he said, cupping my face with his battered hands. “You have me. You have my family. You’re not alone anymore.” Stepping back, I hated to see his dark eyes filled with pain and even tears. “So you just throw me away like I’m shit?”

“It’s better this way.”

“How do you figure?”