Ben empties his glass, jumps out of his seat, and pours himself another. I jump off the couch and run out the back door. Oddly enough, I don’t cry. I stare off into the distance and think about what I’ll do with myself minus the love of my life. I hear the door open and assume it’s Ben.
“You must be going as crazy as I am, wondering what the fuck your life will be like without the most important person in it.”
“Actually, I’m more worried about you than anything.”
I turn to see Drew standing there. He walks up to me and wraps me in his warm embrace. I brace myself for his words.
“Cate, listen to what I’m going to say. The reason I’m doing this is because I want my last days to be good ones, you know? I’m going to ask something really huge of you. I want you to take a leave of absence. I know you’re just kicking your career off, but I want you with me, every day, every hour, especially now, when I feel like doing things. Because right now I feel pretty good. And now that I’ll be off treatment, I’ll be even better. I want to go places, do things. Live. For the next five or six months, or however long I have, I want to hang out with Ben and Jenna, party, watch hockey, go to the beach, spend time with my parents and yours. If you’re working, we won’t be able to do half of these things. You know money isn’t an issue. Can you do this for me?”
Without even thinking, I say, “You know I will. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be and honestly, I haven’t given work a thought. I’ll give Joseph a call tomorrow to see what I need to do.”
For the first time since Chicago, I see his blue eyes sparkle. “Thank you.”
This is my Drew. Thanking me for taking a leave of absence to watch him die. What the fuck do I say to that? He takes care of the awkwardness for me.
“Oh, and Cate, do me a favor. We all know I’m going to die. Let’s not tiptoe around any of this. It will get really weird if you do. I’d rather lay this shit out on the table. You know? And not dance around the issue. And by the look on your face, I know I’ve just shocked you, but it’s the truth. No running into the closet with Ben and whispering behind my back anymore, okay?”
“You’ve accepted all this, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, and it’s sort of a release. My only concern is you.”
I make a huge decision here. Not because I want to, but because I have to.
“Stop. Right here and now, I want you to stop being so concerned about me. I’ll be fine with whatever happens. My choice is that you’d be here forever and ever, but if the powers that be choose otherwise, I’ll deal with it, Drew.”
“You promise?”
I make and X over my heart. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“Never do that.”
“Okay, bad choice of words, but you know what I mean.”
Then he grabs me and kisses me in a way he hasn’t in weeks.
“Hey, have you all forgotten about me?” Ben asks, interrupting us.
“No, I just had to kiss my wife,” Drew says.
Then Ben twitches his brows and holds up a pipe. “Anyone wanna smoky smoke?”
“Hell yeah,” Drew says.
Boys will be boys, even if one is dying of cancer.
The visit with Drew’s parents is as difficult as I’d imagined. How can you prepare yourself to tell your parents you have a terminal illness? Drew is as calm as can be, but I’m the one who has the most trouble. Letty and I cling to each other like static electricity. But they’re happy to hear that Joseph agreed to my six-month leave of absence. If it goes longer than that, I will have to give up my position. I don’t give a damn. Drew comes first as I explain to his parents.
The next few months are filled with side trips to Asheville, Savannah, and Hilton Head, where Drew and I spend precious time together doing things he loves to do, like fishing, sailing, and sitting and watching the sunset. When we’re at home, Ben, his parents, my parents, and Jenna are usually there, not all at one time, but it’s a show of love and I’m thankful for every one of them.
Four months have passed and Drew is holding his own. One day he suggests we take a vacation out to the California wine country. I’m shocked because it’s a long flight and the time change worries me because it might fatigue him.
“Cate, I’ll sleep on the plane and they do have beds in California.”
“I don’t want you to get run down.”
“I won’t let myself. I promise.”
He seems so strong, and if this is what he wants, who am I to deny him? But I do one thing first. I call Dr. Rosenberg and have a chat with him. He laughs. “Cate, Drew is a physician and also knows his limitations. If he wants to go, then go.”
“But …”
“But nothing. You both know what the eventuality is. Let him get his wish.”
“You’re right.”
If Drew wants the wine country, then he shall have it. And he gets it. We’re tipsy more than we’re sober, I think. One day Drew says, “I don’t think I’ve tried a wine I haven’t liked.”