Beck might seem perfect. He might act perfect. Hell, he might BE perfect. But that means nothing in the long run. I’ve never met a man that could have a relationship without it turning sour eventually. I’ve been a revolving door for assholes my entire life. It isn’t a stretch that all of my ‘man issues’ start and end with my father. Try as I might, I can’t shake the feeling that it’s just impossible for me to have love.
I’m pretty sure that Beck is the closest thing that I will ever have to happiness, but after today, there is no way in hell that I’m taking that chance. I can’t, because deep down I know, I know, if I give him a chance, he will steal my heart. I’m just not sure what would happen to me if I let him in, and he ever changes his mind.
So, it’s best that whatever this is between us ends now before something bad happens. I take a deep breath, trying to get the images of Izzy, broken and beaten again, out of my mind. I tremble violently when the painful images of her filter through my mind again.
“You going to keep huffin’ and puffin’ over there like a damn brat?”
My eyes widen and my spine stiffens before I look up and glare at Maddox. How dare he! How freaking dare he!
“You don’t know me well enough to judge me, Maddox Locke.” I’ve never been good at throwing sass around. Izzy is better at giving those stank eyes out to get her point across. I can tell that I’m doing a crappy job when the corner of his mouth tips up slightly. “This isn’t funny.” I pout, crossing my arms over my chest.
“It’s pretty damn hilarious.”
My jaw drops, and I stop right in my tracks.
“Excuse me?” I don’t have to fake the displeasure that laces my words.
“You want me to lay it out for you?” At my nod, he just shakes his head before continuing. “Here’s how I see it. Two months, give or take a few hours, you and my boy have been fuck buddies who act more like a couple than some married people do. I’ve watched you, Dee. I see you pushing back and at the same time, running forward. You’re hot and cold, but when you’re cold, it’s fucking frigid. Last couple of weeks, I’ve seen that fear leave you. The crazy emotions, ups and downs, all those stupid games you’ve been playing with him, have stopped. You were finally ready. I won’t act like I understand your life, but if you let what happened today ruin what could be something worth trying for, then that’s on your shoulders.”
“Are you done?” I spit out. Literally, spit the words out at him. I’m sure I look hilarious. I might even be frothing at the mouth at this point.
“Yeah, I’m done. For now.” He starts walking again, and after a second of stunned shock, I rush after him.
“You have no right to judge me, Maddox. You have no idea what I’m going through right now.” I almost stumble, but he reaches out before I can nosedive to the asphalt.
“Really? Want me to let you in on a little secret? This,” he waves his hand around us, “isn’t even close to being about you. Your best friend is up there with God knows what wrong, and you’re stewing in your own shit. We all have a jacked up past, all of us. You aren’t special because you’ve been fucked over. Do you know how much I would love to have someone solid to share my life with? Both of you girls, running and running. Where exactly will you run when there isn’t anywhere left to go?” His chest is heaving, and his black eyes are just taking me in, judging me without knowing what he’s judging.
“You don’t think I want that? I crave that! But I know better than to ever let someone hurt me again! I will never, NEVER, be at the mercy of another man. I’ll tell you that much, Maddox! You want to stand there and stare at me with those judgy eyes, that’s fine, but you better have all the facts before you condemn me to hell!” His eyes narrow slightly before he gives me a slight nod and starts walking again. “Seriously! Where are you going?”
“Food. You need to eat and calm the hell down. When you’re done eating, we’ll talk.”
Bullheaded, asshat, infuriating MAN!
We’re sitting at a small diner around the corner from the hospital. He’s already had a meal that could feed a small army, while I’ve been picking at everything and anything on my plate. His words from earlier are still slapping me in the face.
Slap.
Slap.
Slap.