I hold her while she tries her hardest to keep it together for Izzy, and it breaks a little piece of me. I would give anything to take this from her, but I know she won’t let me.
“It’s okay, Dee. We’ll leave now and meet them at the hospital. Axel won’t let anything happen to her.” She doesn’t move for the longest time, so I repeat myself. Once my words finally filter through her haze, she jumps.
“I need to be with her, Beck. She needs me.” Her eyes are frantic, but her tone is deadly calm. It’s almost as if she’s trained herself how to act. I narrow my eyes at her, watching her take in everything. Her eyes keep sweeping around the room as if waiting for another threat. What the hell is going on here?
“All right, Wildcat. Let’s get the truck, and we can drive them.” She doesn’t seem to hear me so I try again. “Come on, Dee. Axel has Izzy, see? He told the EMT that he was taking her, so let’s go get in the truck, and we can drive them. Okay?” She nods but continues to look around in her manic way. I keep my arm tight around her, and call out to Axel to follow us to the truck, and just like that, Dee seems to relax. Not much, but it’s something.
*
We make it to the hospital in record time. Axel still refuses to leave Izzy’s side, and Dee is in no shape to take over care, so after telling the staff he’s her fiancé they don’t give us any issues about him staying with her. Coop and Maddox sit silently in the waiting room while Greg paces in tight rotations around the room. Doesn’t take a leap to see how upset he is.
I’m more worried about Dee. She hasn’t stopped shaking since we left her house. Her hands are literally vibrating with nervous energy. Her eyes are still crazy, and every few minutes, she lifts her head up from where she’s been staring at her lap and takes in every single square inch of the room. She then drops her chin back to her chest and watches her hands fidget once again. She’s shutting down, and I have no clue how to stop it from happening.
“Let’s go get something to eat, all right?” I speak softly, but she practically jumps out of her seat. Her hands fly up to her mouth, and her eyes do another sweep of the room. “I’ve got you, Dee. I’m right here. I won’t let anything happen to you.” She still won’t stop her worried gaze around the room. I try to calm her down by whispering reassuring words, but she can’t calm herself down. I’m about to open my mouth to try again when Maddox steps in front of where she’s sitting. I raise my head and give him a questioning look, waiting to see what he’s up to.
“Let’s go. Now.” Even though I knew he was about to speak, Maddox’s biting tone has me instantly on edge. Who the hell does he think he is, talking to my woman like that? But to my dismay, Dee stops her crazy eyes and takes his outstretched hand. I sit here in disbelief as a man close enough to be my brother, and the woman I’m close to falling in love with, just walk right out the door.
What the hell just happened here?
Dee
I can’t stop the chills. This fear that Brandon’s attack on Izzy has brought on. That he was even able to get that close to Izzy. That close to me. My whole body feels like a jackhammer, violently shaking. I’ve never known fear like the kind that Brandon-fucking-Hunter can induce in me. And the worst part, I can’t talk about it. Izzy has no clue, and Greg is so worried about Izzy’s mental stability that he remains pretty blinded to the rest of the world around him. I’m trapped in my own personal hell with no chance of escaping. It’s been so long since I felt this darkness closing in on me that I can’t figure out how to push it back.
It’s better this way. I remind myself. Izzy has too much going on right now, and even before now, there has never been a good time to tell her what he did to me. I’ve kept it locked inside, and hidden it behind my mask.
Goddammit. I’m so sick of this. I thought all this Brandon shit was behind us, and then bam, he’s right back in our faces like some bad venereal disease. Just when I’m ready to tell Beck that I’m ready to try. For the first time in my life, I’m ready to trust a man, and then like a reminder from hell, stone-cold reality smacks me in the face.
Now, it doesn’t matter what I do. I can’t separate all the bad runs I’ve had in the past with men, and most importantly, what Brandon did to me when I was just a fresh-faced, college student trying to make Izzy’s life a better place. All the amazing moments that Beck and I have shared over the last few months seem to vanish when the shadows pull me back under water.