"I immediately went to work trying to put pressure on all the places she was bleeding. She did a job on herself that night. She didn't just slice her wrists. She was determined to end it all. Wrists, ankles, neck, you name it. She was bleeding from everywhere. I didn't think there was any way she could possibly live through wounds like those. Mentally, Sarah is a quitter, but apparently her body is a fighter. The ambulance showed and took her from Brett. He didn't even have it in him to ride along with her," he pauses, only long enough to find my eyes.
"Jesse, that was the night Brett was forced to finally let go of Sarah. He’s convinced himself that he's still holding on and that he can't move on. It's a load of shit, and that picture of you two together is proof. He's trapped. Torn between doing the right thing as a man and a husband, and making himself happy." My tears are openly flowing, but I keep my mouth closed because I need to hear the rest of it. I need to finally know why Brett is terrified to commit to me.
"I got to say goodbye," he says, confusing me. "Maybe it wasn't the way I wanted, but I looked at Manda's beautiful face and stroked her silky red hair and told her exactly how our life would have happened. How many kids we would have had, what kind of car I would have bought her, and the size of our house. No detail was too small. She might have been gone by the time I said it all, but I know Manda heard me." A small tear escapes his eye, and I crawl across the truck to curl into his side. He drapes his arm around me accepting my condolences.
"Brett didn't get that. When the ambulance left with Sarah barely clinging to life, he just stood frozen on the front porch. I could see a break down coming. All the guys from the station just walked by patting him on the back. No one knew what to do to help the shattered man covered in his wife’s blood standing just a few steps away. I did though. Months earlier he offered a shoulder to me when I needed it most. It was long past time I returned the favor. No words were spoken. Just a simple bond between two men who lost everything.
"Baby girl, if you really love Brett, give him time. He's already made it further in four months than I ever thought possible. I guess a good woman will do that to you." He squeezes me against his side and flashes me a sad smile.
"You'll find someone like that one day."
"I already found her. And buried her."
"I want to meet Manda," I announce.
"You're about four years too late, sweetheart."
"Take me to her grave. I want to introduce myself. I saw her picture on your desk today. She was really beautiful."
"You have no idea," he says, shaking his head and turning away to stare out the window. After a few minutes of silence he pulls his arm off my shoulder and scrubs his face. "Fuck it, I'm not going back to work. You want to grab a beer?"
"What about the picture? Won't Brett notice its missing?"
"Yeah we can get your car and I'll replace the picture. Then we can hit the bar next to Brett's apartment. That way we can call him to drive us home when he gets off work." Caleb starts laughing at his own plan.
Brett's probably going to be pissed when he finds out Caleb and I are together drinking in middle of the day. More about the me being with Caleb part, less about the drinking in the middle of the day. Oh well, I just dragged this man around all of Chicago, the least I can do is buy him a beer.
Brett
I JUST picked up the last of Jesse's Christmas gifts, and it took way longer than expected. It's completely worth it though. I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself for thinking of this one. She is going to love it. I'm running late, but thankfully I still beat Jesse and Kara to my parents’ house. I walk into the house, arms filled with boxes, and I swear my entire family has piled into the hallway to greet me.
"What the hell are you guys doing?" I ask, confused by the mass welcome.
"Is Jesse with you?" I hear my mom ask from behind the crowd. Oh, right! Jesse.
Ever since I told my family I was bringing someone home for Christmas, it’s all they talk about. Knowing my sisters, they probably have a phone tree set up to share little details they find out about Jesse. For the last two weeks, one of them has called daily to interrogate me. What does she like to eat? What's her favorite color? My sister actually asked me her bra size, and after that, I shut down all further conversations about Jesse. It pissed them off, but my family is nuts. I know this is a big deal to them.
Over the last few years, the women in my family have given at least two lectures a month about moving on and finding someone new. When that didn't work, they tried to recruit my dad and brothers-in-law to help their "Save Brett" mission. Luckily the men refused.
I'm nervous as hell about introducing Jesse to my family. It's such a big step, and if wasn't for the idea of her spending Christmas alone getting drunk with Kara, I'm not sure I would have invited her at all. Well, at least that's what I tell myself. I can't remember ever being this excited about Christmas and I know it's all because of her.